Malice
by Kanna37
Summary: A broken promise leads to a broken Kagome, and this time, there won't be a smile and an "I forgive you". Tied 3rd best angst Feudal Assoc. June 2009.
1. Prologue: Malice

**Prologue**

I sit, calmly staring out at the forest around the cave I am taking shelter from my enemies in. Kanna and Kagura are both behind me, Kanna staring silently and Kagura muttering to herself. She hates me, I know, and it amuses me so _very_ much. _She _amuses me with her plots, her hopes that one of the sons of the Inu no Taisho will, in the end, kill me. And maybe they would... but not before I destroyed everything either of them cared for. That is something that none of my incarnations and not one of my opponents understands yet. I _want_ to win, but I _can_ accept it if I don't. The most important thing to me is the absolute _destruction_ of the ones I hate.

Kagome.

She is my biggest fear, my most dangerous opponent. Kikyou thinks it is _her_ that I fear, but she hasn't yet learned that Kagome is the_ true _Protector of the Jewel. She is arrogant, that woman. It is her downfall, as it was fifty years ago when I used that arrogance to turn her and Inuyasha against one another. Kagome does not suffer from that particular affliction. It is _Kagome_ whose purity I must taint, _her_ soul that I must destroy. It will not be easy, as I found when my infant first attempted it, but I will enjoy it all the more for that.

I hate her. It is a hatred so profound that it is a peculiar form of love. Yes... love. After all, is not one emotion a twisted reflection of the other? I hate her, and I love hating her. Because of all that she is to me, she will suffer. I will make sure of it. I have learned from the mistakes I made with Kikyou. I will not attack Kagome in the same way, I will attack her body first, and then through the pain I inflict on her body I will attack her soul. This time I will personally take a hand in the tainting. I will twist and rend her, make her truly _suffer_. This is another thing that my enemies do not understand about me. They think only of killing. _I _want Kagome to _live_. Death is a little thing, after all, and once it's over, it's over. That is too easy. In order to reap the most enjoyment out of her destruction, I want her to _live_**, **for a long, long time.

Inuyasha will suffer, too. Maybe even more than Kagome herself.

Because it is _his_ betrayal that I will use to destroy _her_.

This is called _malice_.

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A/N: I have been slowly working on editing and re-working all of my stories to better reflect the skill I have gained over the last four years of writing. While editing Malice, my cat walked across my keyboard and managed to delete it entirely from this site, and so I am having to reload the entire thing as though it were a new story. And in some ways it is. I reworked quite a bit of it, cleaned up grammatical errors and typos, as well. No one's perfect, so I'm sure there are still mistakes, but they should at the least be minimal.

All that to say that Malice is now being re-loaded two chapters a week until it is back online in full. I hope those who enjoyed this story in its first incarnation will still enjoy it now.

Amber


	2. Separation: The Beginning

**Chapter 1: Separation: The Beginning **

"Kagome."

She turned her head slightly and glanced at the silver-haired hanyou that had moved up to her side. She knew why he was here, what he was asking of her. It was always the same. They would be happy for days, even weeks together, and then some rumor of Kikyou would be heard and he would look at her. Silently asking for her understanding, for her permission, wanting her to reiterate her promise to always be by his side... it let him know that she would wait for him, so he would know that when he returned from Kikyou's side she would be there. And she _always_ gave it to him. It didn't matter that it hurt, it was what he needed.

She sighed, eyes drifting shut, not wanting to look at him. It had to stop. If he wanted to be with Kikyou so badly, then why did he keep her to _her_ promise to always stay with him? Surely it would be better if he let her go. What was it that he needed from her that he apparently couldn't get from the older Miko? _Why_ did he keep returning to _her_ side and leaving Kikyou behind? _I am so uncertain of myself now, I have so many questions and I'm so tired of hurting. Something... something doesn't feel right inside me anymore. As if...there's some part of me that's dead. I'd go home while he's gone, but there's no comfort for me there; really, there's no comfort anywhere __anymore. _

She broke out of her reverie at the soft, sad sound that came from Inuyasha. Opening her eyes, she finally gathered enough courage to look over at him. He was looking at her, the usual Kikyou inspired mix of emotions in his eyes... fear, sadness, guilt, hurt, and determination. But hardest of all to deal with; love. Shaking her head at herself she closed her eyes again, not wanting to see the happiness in his eyes when she nodded.

"Go, Inuyasha. Find Kikyou. We'll be fine." With that she turned away, still with eyes closed. She stayed that way for a long time, until she was sure that he was gone before turning towards their companions, grateful that they hadn't pressured her, that they'd left her alone. She sighed, then squaring her shoulders she walked back towards her friends.

"Well, what do you think we should all do, Sango, Miroku? Should we continue on with our search for Naraku's newest hiding place, or do what he wanted and just go back to Kaede's?" Frowning, she looked at the ground for a moment. "We're close. I don't think I want to give up now and let him get away to a new hidey hole. We'd just have to start all over and I think we're all tired of that."

Miroku nodded. "I agree, Kagome. Inuyasha must do what he thinks best, but we all have our own reasons for wanting to destroy Naraku, and I for one would rather continue on than stop and possibly let him get away again. What say you, Sango?" He turned and looked at the woman that held his heart.

The taijiya gazed away into the distance, eyes set on some horizon no one else could see with an almost bitter downturn to her lips and darkness in her gaze. "I say we keep looking as well. Letting him get away again doesn't sit well with me. Besides, there's Kohaku, as well."

"It's decided, then. We'll keep on with our pursuit of Naraku." Kagome looked at each of her companions in turn. "Without Inuyasha, we'll have to be much more careful, though. You all know that, right?

Everyone nodded, all with identical subdued expressions. Their hanyou friend was the biggest reason that they'd even gotten as far as they had. Every single one of them knew that without him they had almost no chance of beating Naraku. Kagome probably had the best chance, especially as her spiritual powers had gotten much stronger lately, however, she more than likely wouldn't survive such a confrontation. But nonetheless, they had no choice in the matter. Inuyasha had made his decision, choosing to drop the pursuit of Naraku to try to find his priestess. He was expecting the group to head back to Kaede's village to wait for him... but that wasn't going to happen. Not this time.

They were all weary from the chase, tired of wandering the land in search of the hanyou that had ruined so many lives, and they all badly wanted to get it over with. Everyone's lives were on hold until he could be defeated, and they wanted to finally get the chance to start _living_ those lives.

Except Kagome. She was so tied to Inuyasha that she pretty much had no life outside of him anymore._ Stay or go, there's my choices. I don't think it really matters which I choose, though, it'll end the same either way. _Nodding at her friends, she gestured at the road ahead. "Well, I guess we should start moving, then. Let's get on with it."

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It is nearly time, Kagome, my beloved, to deepen the dance of hatred that I began the day your love left you, five days past. I know that you are near; you are hoping to find me, wanting to bring the battle to me. I chuckle at that thought. Soon you will bring me what I hate, what I love. You, and _your_ hatred. Your hatred of me will bring me untold pleasure, as will the torment I will soon bring to your body. I can barely stand to wait any longer. For you see, the rape of your body will bring me the key to what I _really_ desire. The rape of your _soul. _Once this is all said and done, _I will own you_.

It is amusing how well you and your companions fell in with my plans, all unknowing. I have found it the easiest thing in the world to manipulate all of you. You are like blocks set in a row and then pushed... the one taking the next down, it is beautiful to watch. First Kikyou, chasing Kanna, hoping to destroy my heart. Foolish woman. Then Inuyasha chasing rumor of Kikyou, leaving you behind. Now you and your remaining friends. It is interesting to see, you know, how they are much more loyal to you than your so-called protector. Still, for all that loyalty, you are about to fall to me, and there is nothing they can do about it.

Yes...

Come a little closer, my beloved, object of my hatred. Just a little closer.

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Kagome sat alone at the top of a small rise. Behind her lay the little camp they'd made as soon as it had gotten dark. It had been five days now since Inuyasha had left them, and she wondered idly how long he would be gone. She looked out over a vast panorama of the earth, blending at the blurred horizon into blackness pierced with starlight. The River of Heaven, known to her as the Milky Way meandered its way over her head, ending somewhere behind her.

She'd always loved the stars... they spoke to the loneliness inside her, such vast distances between one star and the next. She felt that she could understand that better now because there was such a distance between herself and her heart. Sometimes, lately, she'd wondered how she could keep functioning with that distance dividing parts of herself that should be bound together, not spread so far apart.

Sighing, she toyed with the fabric of her skirt, absently enjoying the feel of the material against her skin. Lately it seemed all that had touched her was dirt and courseness. Her skirt wasn't the softest of materials or anything like that, but it was certainly better than a lot of what she'd been dealing with since the last time she'd gone home. A soft, somewhat dark chuckle broke past her lips. _Am I really only sixteen? I feel as though I've seen millenia come and go. And when did that happen, anyway? When did I go from being a young girl to an old woman in a young woman's body?_ She started when she heard a voice call her name.

"Kagome?" Sango's voice was soft, hesitant. "Do you mind a little company?"

She looked up at her friend, smiling slightly. "No, of course not, Sango. Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

Sango moved forward and sat down, every movement hesitant, which was really unlike her. The taijiya was normally a strong and forceful woman, a warrior in an age where most women were little more than chattel. "No, not really, I just thought maybe-" she glanced at Kagome out of the corner of her eye, "-you might like to talk, you know, about, well, things." She flinched a little at Kagome's surprised start. "Not that you have to or anything, I just thought you might want to."

Kagome shook her head, smiling a little wider. "About what, Sango? Inuyasha? What's the point?" She sighed then, a deep, poignant sound that told more than any words ever could of her heartache. "It's not like it's the first time, you know that. He loves her, so he searches for her. That's just the way it is. That's just the way it will always be."

Sango leaned forward, touching Kagome's hand softly. "But you know... he cares for you, too. You know he does - we all know he does."

She lifted her gaze back to the sky for a moment, then closed her eyes and dropped her head. "Perhaps. But not the way that I need him to. Not the way I want him to." Delicate fingers plucked a blade of grass, twirling it back and forth. "I'm trapped, Sango. Just as if I were pinned by a sacred arrow to a tree, I'm pinned through the heart to a beautiful, wild hanyou... and one that doesn't want me that way."

"But he does want you that way, Kagome. I see it, Miroku sees it, even Shippo, as young as he is, sees it," she said fiercely. "He's stuck, trapped by his feelings for the both of you. But there is this, Kagome. Kikyou doesn't have _any _hold on him stronger than yours. He may not be able yet to let her go, but he absolutely _refuses_ to let _you _go." Gesturing back towards the fire, she said, "Miroku told me something once in relation to Inuyasha's feelings for you, something that he confided in him one day." At Kagome's questioning look, she continued. "Did you know that the way he acts when other males come around is actually a statement of intent?"

Kagome looked blankly back at her friend. "What?"

"It is. He was telling Miroku about something that happened in your world. Some kind of... festival, I think. At your school."

Kagome thought for a moment. "Oh, yeah... I remember. The cultural festival." She laughed a little. "He destroyed the whole auditorium trying to show off."

Sango shook her head. "He wasn't 'showing off', Kagome. Apparently, he was just watching you and hanging around keeping an eye out for those demons that were out there when he said he caught this guy running towards you getting ready to embrace you." She chuckled. "He was chasing off a rival male, the same as he tries to do with Kouga. He doesn't want any interference, any competition for your affections, Kagome. Whatever his feelings towards Kikyou, he has definite intentions towards you. It isn't in youkai to carry on meaningless flirtations. They see matters of the heart, of mating, much too seriously. He wants you."

Kagome thought for a while, considering what Sango had said. But it just didn't fit. Much as she'd like to believe what the taijiya had said, she couldn't bring herself to trust in any reassurances like that anymore. It had been too long that she'd tried to keep her heart from breaking on just such circumstantial evidence. It was no longer working. She started to refute her words, but Sango interrupted before she could speak.

"Another thing to consider, Kagome. It is a male's role to prove to the female of his choice that he can be a good partner for her. He will try to prove that he can provide for you, as in food and other necessities. Inuyasha does that all the time. Anytime you run out of food he goes and hunts and brings his kills to you. And every time something happens to you, especially when Kouga is around, he's determined to be the one that saves you. He doesn't want Kouga to get the chance to do so. That's because he's trying to prove that he can protect you as a good mate should do."

"Our situation is different, Sango. Even if he_ is _doing these things, it's probably unintentionally." There was a bitter note in her voice, one that troubled the girl sitting next to her. "It's not me he sees, Sango. It's_ her. _Sometimes," she whispered, _"_I feel invisible... like he doesn't even see me_, Kagome, _only Kagome, _Kikyou's reincarnation_."

"No, I don't think that's it, Kagome. He's fully aware of what he's doing and who he wants, who he sees, like I said, he's talked some about this with Miroku. Basically, he's courting you." At Kagome's snort of disbelief, she shook her head, uneasy at the difference in her friend. It was so seemingly sudden... "Since when did you lose all hope, Kagome? That isn't like you... have you really given up on Inuyasha?"_ And on yourself? I'm worried about you - this really __isn't_ _like you. What could have changed in you?_

A sad, almost hollow look crossed Kagome's face. "I don't know, Sango. I really don't know."

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Inuyasha was irritated. He'd been traveling for almost a week looking for signs of Kikyou, and so far he'd found nothing. He was getting uncomfortable being so far from Kagome. After that fiasco with Naraku's infant, he didn't like being so distant from her... but what choice had he had? He just couldn't turn his back on Kikyou, she might need him. _Damn_. _Things are so complicated. It doesn't matter what I do, it always seems to be wrong. If I stay with Kagome, I fail Kikyou, and she ends up paying the price, but... how many times can I leave Kagome before something horrible happens, before I end up failing her, end up losing her? _His eyes closed in pain. _I don't think I could bear it if she ended up paying the price for my failure, if I lost her, Kami no... _a soft, choking whine broke from him at the thought_. Not her, never her. I don't think I could survive it if she was gone from my life._

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed with such force that they started to hurt. She'd be fine in the village, hell, maybe she'd gone home to her time. It would give her a chance to visit with her family and go to that skool of hers. _Yeah... that's probably where she is... _

For some reason, he couldn't seem to convince himself of that. Later, he'd remember this moment, and know that it was _this _moment when payment came due... _this exact moment_ when he'd failed her - this time by _any_ standards, unforgivably.


	3. Domination: Breaking the Body

**Chapter 2: Domination: Breaking the Body**

She stood on the mountain path studying the lands spread out below her. They had been descending from the pass all morning, and still had a ways to go. The view from here was awe-inspiring, just as it had been the night before on the other side of the mountain. The day was beautiful, high clouds occasionally passing over the sun, not too cold yet not too warm, and a nice breeze. And yet... she felt uneasy. As if she needed to enjoy the beauty around her _now_ before it all disappeared, before she _could_ no longer enjoy it. Hardly aware of the troubled frown on her face, she glanced behind her, vaguely worried for her companions.

"Sango, Miroku, stay close. We need to stay together. Something's out there."

Miroku looked down at her from his position riding pillion behind Sango. She looked suspicious and he could almost see her hackles rising. Glancing back up, his gaze took in Sango's worried expression, as well. Nodding, he called down to her, "What is it, Kagome? Do you sense something?" Brow wrinkling with concentration he searched the surrounding area with his spiritual senses, looking troubled when he felt what was bothering her. "Powerful jyaki." He shook his head uneasily. "I know we decided to keep searching for Naraku but... I don't like this, Kagome. Kirara, maybe you should take us down. We should stay on the ground with Kagome. Inuyasha will kill us if something happens to h-"

Kagome stopped him before he could finish. "No. Inuyasha has nothing to say. If something happens to me, it's my _own _fault. You are not responsible. And if he doesn't like that, it's too bad. It's not like _he's_ here to defend me, so he can hardly blame anyone else for his own failure. _He _vowed protection to me, you guys didn't. It's not your fault that he decided that he'd chosen to protect the wrong woman, and then decided to rectify that mistake now."

Sango looked a bit shocked at the words coming from her best friend. "Kagome-"

Shaking her head slowly, she smiled suddenly at her friend. "It's alright, Sango. What will be, will be. I'm just tired, and wish that whatever was coming would just get it over with already, you know?" She looked out over the landscape again. "I _am_ glad that we left Shippo with Kaede this time, though. I don't like the feel of what's out there."

Sango nodded and put a name to what they all knew. "Naraku."

Kagome began moving, heading down the road once more. "Let's try to get off this mountain and down into the open terrain below us. I'd rather have room to maneuver if we're gonna have to deal with him."

Miroku dismounted from Kirara and followed after Kagome. "Wait, Kagome! Don't get too far ahead - aren't you the one that said to stay together? Kagome, get ba-" he jumped back with a muffled curse, falling to the ground and looking up in shock.

Because one moment Kagome was there, and the next she was not. She was just... gone.

It was six days since Inuyasha had left them.

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Kagome struggled to breathe, she could feel _his _arms around her, and it brought back a memory, a memory of watching helplessly as Kikyou was carried off by Naraku, of seeing the anguish in Inuyasha's eyes_. _But Inuyasha was not here now, and she was alone at the mercy of their greatest enemy.She shivered in revulsion, her skin crawling at every place that his body touched hers. She felt... _violated._

She had no idea just how much worse it would get.

She could feel him looking down at her, and refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing the fear and revulsion in her eyes. He would enjoy that, she knew. _If I can't fight him physically, I'll fight him spiritually... I can't let him win! I won't!_

Naraku watched the woman in his arms, and chuckled. She had such strength... he would gain _so _much _pleasure_ from tainting her, from breaking her. The very thought sent an erotic frisson throughout his body, and he knew that she'd felt it when she flinched. _Yes, my beloved, pull away from me in disgust... it____brings me joy to feel your revulsion, your hatred and fear, I want it all. All. And I will have it._

Coming to a halt finally, he looked around at the place he'd chosen for the opening salvo in the destruction of the Miko he hated. This was a place that would make what he was about to do a thousand times worse, because it would remind her as she was violated of just _why_ he'd been able to take her from her friends so easily. He chuckled again as he set her on her feet and she immediately tried to run. Too bad for her she wouldn't get far. The whole area was surrounded by one of his strongest barriers.

Kagome felt sick, all she wanted was to scrub the feel of him off her skin, even if it took all her skin off. Anything was better than how it felt right now.

"So... Kagome, my beloved little miko." He smirked at the shock on her face when she heard what he'd called her. Gesturing around them he asked, "Do you recognize this place, _beloved?_" He deliberately said it again, smiling wider at her expression.

"What is your game this time, Naraku?" she spat, forcing herself to stand tall and refusing to back down. "And I thought it was Kikyou you considered your 'beloved', poor woman."

Naraku laughed outright. "You didn't answer my question, Kagome. Do you recognize this place?"

She looked around, feeling a cold chill when she finally realized where he'd brought her. Pain and sadness combined in her heart and she felt sick at the bitterness that swelled inside her. Grimly, she fought it down. "Yes, I do, as I'm sure you knew I would, or you wouldn't have brought me here. And you still haven't answered _my _question, Naraku. What's with the whole 'beloved' thing? I'm not Kikyou, you know... I'd have expected _you_ at least to know the difference, even if Inuyasha hasn't figured it out yet."

"Already feeling bitterness towards him, beloved? Good. Very good," he purred. "And why shouldn't you? He deserves it." Turning and looking around him, he smiled at her. "Urasue's old home. I bet this brings back memories. If only the sorceress had left well enough alone, eh? Things might have been different for you. But as it is..."

Walking towards the stone tub that she'd lain in as her soul was ripped from her, he reached its side and stood, gazing thoughtfully down into it. "You are wrong. Kikyou is not, nor ever was, _my _beloved. _Onigumo_ was enamoured of her, not I." He looked at her then, watching as her eyes darkened and her hatred of him swelled. _Beautiful... _"It's amusing, in a way. I am unfortunately still merely a hanyou. The human core of what I am desired Kikyou. But the youkai side of what I have _become-_" he grinned, and it sent shivers of fear down her spine, "-that side wants _you._ You, Kagome."

Kagome almost couldn't fathom what he was saying to her, it was too much horror, too much _everything _to comprehend. He _couldn't _mean... what she thought he meant. He couldn't. Please _gods_ he didn't mean that... she almost sobbed at the sadistic look of pleasure he gave her as he realized that she had caught what he was saying. _No, oh no...!_

Her soul was already screaming as he moved towards her, and she knew that nothing would ever be alright again. Because this time, there was no Inuyasha to save her. Inuyasha had left her behind.

Nothing would ever be the same again. Not ever.

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Kagome lay where he'd left her, blood still pooling under her from her broken body. It was funny, in a way, he'd made sure that she hadn't been harmed any place that could be seen when she was clothed, meaning she'd be able to hide the wounds. Of course, most of the damage was inside, inside her body and inside her soul, so no one would see that anyway.

She knew that she was in shock, everything looking strange around her. She could feel panic underlying the numbness, could tell that her soul was _still _screaming but it was distant, as though it was someone else that this had happened to. She was very much afraid, though, that her soul would keep screaming, would spend all _eternity_ screaming in horror and fear and revulsion. Right now, though, a certain numbness was gaining on her and she welcomed it with open arms.

Naraku watched her, enjoying the sight of her, beautiful body covered in her own blood. She was not injured severely, but he had made sure that what he _had _injured bled deeply, and as he'd taken her body as his own he'd smeared the blood over every inch of her skin from her neck down. She'd never been more beautiful than in the moment that he'd forced himself into her, and the agony and horror that had been in her eyes had sent him over the edge, as had the screams of desperate pain. He'd taken her over and over again, knowing that the more he broke her body the more he'd break her soul. The only thing he couldn't break was her heart. Inuyasha had done that already, the bastard.

He sighed. It was time to let her go, time to begin the next stage of the breaking. He would be interested to see how she would deal with this in the next few weeks. He was already pretty sure that she wouldn't speak of it to anyone, that she'd try to hide what had happened. He was counting on it, actually. He'd made it easy for her to do just that by making sure that all injuries could be hidden by clothing. That ability he'd left her to hide his assault from her hanyou companion was what he would use to destroy Inuyasha, and he could hardly wait for the next steps to play out.

"Well, _beloved_," he sneered, "it's time to get up." He threw her clothes at her. "Wash yourself and get dressed. We have someplace to be."

She sat up and reached down slowly and emptily, reaching for the clothes he'd thrown her and staring at them as if she wondered what they were. Glancing absently around, she saw the tub with water and slowly washed the blood from her body before picking the clothes back up. Pulling them to her, she slowly dressed herself, the distant thought that they didn't seem to help barely ruffling the blank surface of her mind. She still felt just as cold as she had when she was naked.

She felt a thought try to break through the numbness and she fought it with a whimper; she didn't want to think, didn't want to remember anything or feel anything. It finally faded back into the blackness in her mind and she let her arms fall to her sides emptily. Finally finished dressing she simply stood there, unable to care enough about anything to even flinch when he grabbed her. She didn't even care where he was taking her.

She was frozen inside, a white blank cloud swallowing everything inside her and she didn't care, past, present, and future, all could disappear and she still wouldn't care. She opened her arms wide to the darkness that finally came and swept her away, the forlorn thought that she hoped she never woke again the only thing to follow her down into the frigid, black night inside her.

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When she came to she was laying in the clearing near the well. It took a moment to recognize the place because she was still hiding inside her mind and didn't want to come out of her safe zone. So she just lay there, feeling the ground beneath her cold and hard, feeling the breeze brush against her. She vaguely registered the sounds around her, small animals scurrying through the underbrush and insects buzzing lazily in the early evening air. It was all there, but even though all these things imprinted themselves on her mind she felt no emotional response to any of it. And that was bad. She knew it shouldn't be that way.

Stumbling to her feet, the only thought in her wounded psyche was that she needed to get home. Looking around, she spotted her yellow bag right next to her and slowly picked it up. Apparently it had been with her through... everything. She cut that thought off immediately, not wanting to acknowledge it_._ Home. _ Just-get-home._ That's all. Home.

Carefully repeating those words in her mind over and over, she made her way to the well, barely managing to climb into it before her strength gave way. She closed her eyes as the time stream caught her and hurled her five hundred years into the future.

On the other side of the clearing, Naraku smirked. This had been the most enjoyable day he could _ever _remember. Even the day he'd destroyed Kikyou and watched Inuyasha get pinned hadn't been this good.

The first part of the destruction of Kagome was complete. He couldn't wait for part two.

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"Damn!" Inuyasha slammed his fist into the wooden planking of the hut. Another abandoned village, another dead end. Nothing had gone right and he was having no luck at all_._ If he didn't find her soon he'd have to admit that he'd been led astray by a false rumor, _again. _ And if that was the case... he was terrified to think of what that could mean. No. Kikyou was out there. _She_ _had to be._ Not just for her sake, but for Kagome's as well. Because if this _had _been a wild goose chase, only one person would have wanted him sent on it.

Naraku.

And that didn't bode well for anyone.

So he slammed his fist into the hut again, then headed out of the village, determined to find the Miko he'd been chasing. He _would _find her, then he would make sure she was alright. And then he'd rush back to Kaede's and make sure his _other _Miko was okay. He knew she'd be angry, and she'd have every right to be because he'd never left her for this length of time before. Never. Which was probably why he felt so uneasy.

Probably.

It _couldn't_ be because anything was _really _wrong. He couldn't accept that thought. Nothing was wrong. It couldn't be. He wouldn't allow it to be.


	4. Tainted: Sickness in the Soul

**Chapter 3: Tainted: Sickness in the Soul**

Sango stared at the spot Kagome had just been standing in blankly, completely shocked and unable to even move. _What in the hell?_ She looked over at Miroku, who was still laying on the ground, also unable to move. It had just been so... _fast_! One moment there, the next, gone!

Miroku shook his head; closing his eyes for a moment, he prayed every prayer he had everlearned that Kagome would still be standing there when he opened his eyes again. But when he finally did she wasn't, and he couldn't help the fear that washed through him for her as it began to sink in... because in the instant before she'd vanished he'd sensed Naraku. Pushing himself to his feet, he looked at Sango, who was looking at him with horror-struck eyes.

"Miroku... what was that?" Her voice was rising and she was becoming hysterical. "You'd better not tell me that was..." at his look, she shook her head angrily. "I told you, don't say that! It wasn't him!" she started sobbing. "Get on, monk! Move, now! We have to go find her - we have to go _now_, please..." her voice tapered off with anguish and she couldn't breath, and Miroku felt tears in his own eyes at the fear on Sango's face.

She'd already lost her entire village to Naraku, and now he'd taken her best friend... the only person she considered family that was left on this earth besides Kohaku, and that didn't count right now since he was controlled by the evil hanyou and most of the time didn't even remember her.

"Sango, I'd be glad to do so as soon as you can tell me _which way we need to go!_ I can't feel a thing anymore, which means Naraku is already out of range and probably shielding as well. And I can't sniff him out like Inuyasha could, can you?" He looked at the firecat that looked just as angry as he felt. "Can _you _follow his scent, Kirara?"

The firecat mewed, shaking her head; there _was_ no trail to follow. There was just... nothing.

"Well then, what do we do? We can't just abandon her, Miroku!" She suddenly screamed at the sky. "Damn you, Inuyasha! This is all your fault!"

Miroku leapt forward to catch her as she fell forward, almost falling off Kirara entirely she was so panicked. "Sango, love, calm down. This won't help Kagome." He caressed her hair, trying to soothe her. "We need to stay calm. At this point all we can do is head back to Kaede's." He put his hand gently over her mouth when she tried to interrupt. "There's no choice, my heart. We have no trail to follow, what little supplies we had went with Kagome, and there's absolutely no sign of Naraku anywhere. The only hope we have is to get back to the village and hope that we meet up with Inuyasha quickly." He looked at Kirara again. "Do you think you can travel straight through, Kirara? I know its a day and a half away."

Kirara nodded. _I can. I will._

"Good, then that's what we will do. Sango, please, try to calm yourself. I know you're worried, bu-"

"_Worried_?! I'm terrified, Miroku! Do you really think he'll leave her alone for even a day? By the time we find that bastard that abandoned her, it'll be too late! Gods...!" She put her head down against Kirara's neck and cried, sobs wracking her slender body. She was falling apart at the seams because she knew all to well what Naraku was capable of, evidenced by what he'd done to her brother, to her whole village, and the thought of Kagome being hurt by that bastard too...

In that moment she hated Inuyasha almost as much as she hated Naraku. He'd left Kagome vulnerable and now she was alone and at the mercy of a sadistic murderer. She didn't know if she'd _ever_ forgive him for this betrayal.

Because that's what this amounted to. He had betrayed his vow to protect Kagome... one that he'd made _before_ Kikyou was brought back, so it should have had precedence over anything he'd promised Kikyou.

He'd betrayed Kagome. What price would Kagome end up paying for that? Whatever it was, Sango knew that it would be far, far too high.

As far as she was concerned, Inuyasha should be paying, not Kagome. And she would make sure he did.

Even if she had to extract the cost out of him _herself._

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Kagome stood underneath Goshinboku, hand pressed against the scar that Kikyou's arrow had created five hundred years in the past. Ironic, really. How many people could claim to have met their own former incarnation? Most would think it a great chance, something to remember. But her? All that meeting had brought her was grief and pain. Did she hate Kikyou? She didn't know anymore. She just didn't.

It had been a week since she'd come home; thankfully, when she _had_ gotten here her family had been gone for a few days, so it gave her time to become somewhat functional again. She knew the time when she'd have to go back was fast approaching. She didn't want to return, gods only knew, but she was pretty sure by now that Miroku and Sango had reached the village and were probably worried sick. It wasn't fair to keep them waiting any longer. As for Inuyasha? She chuckled, a sick, twisted sound that would have torn her mother's heart out if she had heard it. Inuyasha... well, he'd be alright. Who knew if he was even back yet? Probably still chasing Kikyou. With one last caress of the time-worn tree, she went back inside the house.

"Kagome, dear, are you ready to go back yet?" Her mother didn't know what had happened. She just thought that her daughter was depressed because of another fight with Inuyasha, so she'd not really said much. Kagome was very grateful for that fact.

"Yes, okaa, I suppose so. I already packed everything so I guess I'll go ahead and go. I'll try to be back as soon as I can, okay?"

"That's fine, dear. Just take care of yourself and make up that fight with Inuyasha, alright?"

She shrugged. "Sure, I'll try. See you soon. Bye." Picking up her bag she smiled at her mother before walking out of the house. As soon as she was out of her mother's sight, though, the smile dropped off her face and her eyes emptied of all emotion. That's the way it had been all week. In front of others a fake smile. Once alone, blank face and dead eyes. She wished she could just stay alone, this smile thing was beginning to hurt her face. Unfortunately, she'd have to do a lot more of it to convince Sango and Miroku that she was okay. That thought made her tired.

It was a good thing that her body had healed well. There were almost no marks left on her, although that didn't really matter, since she had gotten rid of her school uniforms and brought only pants and shirts with her. She wanted to cover every inch of her tainted skin, didn't want anyone looking at it or her.

Deep down, she knew that she wasn't actually tainted. She was still able to keep the jewel purified, but that couldn't change the fact that she _felt _tainted and probably would for the rest of her life. She honestly didn't know how long she'd be able to keep purifying the jewel at this rate, because she could feel the sickness in her soul, the stark, wallowing blackness, and she knew that she would have a long, hard battle to save it and herself.

Now she just had to decide if she even wanted to make that effort. Was it really worth it? Was there really an answer for that? And would it even matter what she did? In the end, maybe it would be better if she just handed the whole thing over to Kikyou, if she was still alive. And Kagome was sure she was. Oh yes, Kikyou was still alive. She had no doubt that sooner or later Inuyasha would find her. So maybe she would just give it to Kikyou. Gods knew that it should have been taken care of by her, anyway; the only reason she had been pulled back into the past was because Kikyou had failed. Well, now the other woman was alive again... so let her deal with it.

She stood in the shrine looking down into the well. Had she already made her decision?

No.

She had to go back and at least for now continue on with the quest. With that thought she jumped into the well, eyes tightly closed as fear began to overtake her. This was harder than she'd thought. Every second brought her closer to that bastard's reach, and she could truly say she'd rather die than ever be touched by him again.

Landing on the bottom of the well on the other side, she hunched her shoulders and threw her bag over the rim before slowly climbing out. Finally on her feet she let out an empty-sounding laugh as she took in her surroundings. Didn't look like Inuyasha was back after all. "Oh well... gives me the chance to settle things with the other two. I'll get some practice getting my lies straight, at least." Grabbing her bag back up from the ground she braced herself, and squaring her shoulders she headed to Kaede's hut.

She never made it there.

The first person to reach her was Shippo, and he hit her so hard he nearly floored her. "Kagome! Kagome! Where have you been, they said Naraku took you away, where did you come from... are you okay?"

Kagome blinked. _Oh, yeah... smile._ "Uh, yeah, Shippo, I'm fine. Where are the others?"

Next person to appear was Sango, running flat out towards her and Kagome braced herself, flinching. She was swamped in a desperate hug by a sobbing taijiya. "Gods, Kagome where the _hell _have you been? Are you okay? What happened?"

Miroku shook his head, a smile breaking across his face as he saw Kagome. When Shippo had first started yelling that Kagome was back he'd thought it was a trick, a trap set by Naraku, but Shippo had assured him that it really was Kagome, that she had the shards and still smelled mostly the same. Now, seeing her, he knew it was her... and yet it wasn't, and he knew then that something terrible had happened to her, something that had changed her forever. He frowned, wondering if she would tell them what had happened... somehow, he doubted she would.

"Welcome back, Kagome. I'm glad to see you in seeming good health." Smiling slightly at her, he gently pulled Sango away. "Why don't we take this back to the hut so we can sit down while Kagome tells us what happened to her?"

Kagome nodded at him, absently grateful that he'd calmed the situation. She began to realize that she really wasn't ready to deal with this, but it was too late now. Following along behind everyone with Shippo curled around her shoulders and unlikely to move anytime soon, she felt more tired than she ever had.

_All I want is for the world to go away. That's all. Just go away and leave me alone. Why do __I____have to be responsible for fixing Kikyou's damn mistakes? _

Her shoulders slumped. Somewhere deep down her soul was still fighting, refusing to give up. She knew this because she still felt responsible. She couldn't give up, because now she, more than anyone on this earth, _knew _the depths of depravity that bastard could sink to... and she wouldn't be able to live with it if she didn't at least try to fight him. Even if she didn't _want _to care, she still did, and so she had to deal with this situation.

If only she could figure out how.

When they reached the hut she had another round of happy greetings to get through from Kaede. She chuckled sourly inside because normally the obvious affection from her friends would have made her day, but now she just wanted to escape from all of them. They didn't know, couldn't feel the taint within her, even though they had all suffered at Naraku's hands none of them had had that evil bastard _inside_ their bodies. It was a horrifyingly large difference, and only Kohaku could even have an inkling of what she was going through, because he'd had to suffer the presence of that monster inside his mind.

She suddenly understood the young taijiya in a whole new way.

"I am so glad to see ye, child! We were so terribly worried and we had no way to find ye." She glanced at Miroku and Sango. "So come in, sit and tell us what happened to ye. We all want to make sure that ye are alright, child, that's all," she said, at Kagome's tired look. "Please do not make us wait any longer to know how ye got away from the evil one. We knew not whether we would ever see ye again."

Kagome nodded, sinking wearily to her knees. Taking a deep breath, she slowly exhaled and then gave a small, shaky smile. "There really isn't much to tell, to be honest. I got a concussion, so I don't remember much of anything. I guess I passed out, and when I woke up I was near the well, so I managed to climb through it and go home."

Miroku studied her. It was too easy. There was something she wasn't saying, something she wasn't wanting to tell them. He knew, was absolutely positive that she hadn't forgotten _anything_, so whatever _had _happened must have been truly horrible for her to be hiding it and lying to cover it up. Kagome just wasn't one for lying much. And the fact that she was now scared him more than anything he could remember. It meant that something inside her had changed... or beenforcibly broken. Glancing at the others, he noted that they seemed to be willing to buy her story so he kept his thoughts to himself and would wait to discuss them later with Kaede. Sango he would leave in ignorance - she didn't need to deal with anymore fear or horror right now.

"Did you go see the healers in your time, Kagome-sama?"

She looked up at him and noted the shrewd look in his eyes. _He knows, _she thought with anguish and fear, _he knows I'm lying – will he tell the others? Please, Miroku, please, if you ever cared for me at all, don't say anything! _"Yeah. I'll be alright. Actually, that's one reason why I didn't return quicker," she said in a subdued voice. "I needed time to get over the concussion, and I had a few other fairly minor injuries. But I'm fine now."

Sango looked at her. "Kagome... what _do _you remember? What did he say to you?"

She waved her hand weakly. "Oh, you know, a bunch of crap like the baby that time, about how Inuyasha keeps leaving me in danger and he ranted about Kikyou for a while. I only remember bits and pieces because he hit me pretty hard when I didn't respond to his taunts." She ran her hand over her eyes. "Actually, can we finish this discussion another time? I'm still kinda recovering so I tire easily, and right now I'm really tired. I'd like to get some sleep, if that's okay with everyone."

Kaede nodded. "Yes, ye should sleep for it gives your body that much more time to heal." She gestured firmly to the others. "Come, Sango, Miroku. Let's leave her be."

All Kagome could think as they left her alone was that she was glad to _be_ alone. _It's already starting... the evil he implanted in me is beginning to come out. _

Lying. Something she'd never been much good at, hadn't ever felt much of a need to do, and now here she was, lying to her friends, her family, and the worst part was...

She didn't even regret it.

What was she becoming?


	5. Broken: Beyond Redemption

**Chapter 4: Broken: Beyond Redemption**

_Finally! I knew she was alive! _

Inuyasha felt his heart ease as he caught sight of Kikyou's shinidamachuu. For that instant, it seemed as if all was once again right with his world, as he forgot everything else but the woman he'd spent almost three weeks searching for. Running in the direction he'd spotted them in, he skidded to a halt when he reached the clearing she was in, watching as she turned in surprise.

"Inuyasha?" She looked around. "What are you doing here? And where are your friends?"

"They're back at Kaede's. I came alone. I was looking for you." A frown crossed his face. "Why didn't you let me know you were okay? We thought..." his eyes slid away from hers, "I thought that you were... dead. Naraku told us that he'd killed you, during a fight we had with him several months ago." He swallowed hard. "What are you doing around here, anyway?"

Kikyou still looked surprised to see him. Shaking her head in bemusement, she answered his query. "I was chasing one of Naraku's incarnations. The girl-child. She carries his heart, and I was led far south of here by her." She suddenly looked annoyed. "I am returning back to the north. About a week ago, she just disappeared." An uneasy expression crossed her face and she saw the same on his. "I think I was drawn off for a reason. And you say that Naraku told you he'd killed me?"

"Yeah..." the hanyou said slowly as his brow furrowed with dawning suspicion.

"I don't like this, Inuyasha. Why are you here?"

"I told you, I came looking for you. After thinking you were dead I started hearing rumors that you had been seen... so I came looking." He frowned at her. "Why does that surprise you? You should know by now that I'll always come, Kikyou. I told you I would, remember?"

She smiled at him. "Yes, I know, Inuyasha." The smile fell, and she looked suddenly worried. "But this time I think that you shouldn't have. Naraku drew both of us away for a reason. Why do you think he would have done that?" As his eyes widened with understanding, she nodded. "Exactly. He must have been after Kagome all along. If he's taken her there's no telling what he's done to her or if she's even still alive."

Inuyasha was frozen. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't even _speak _at the absolute panic that ran through him. She had to be wrong. Kagome was okay. At the sad look on Kikyou's face his voice suddenly came back. "No! Don't look like that! She's fine, Kikyou!" His voice was fierce in denial, his hands fisted so tight that blood was beginning to drip from them. "Nothing's happened to her. Nothing, do you understand! _Nothing_!" He spun on his heel. "You'll see! I'm gonna go back to the village and she'll be there, safe and sound. Everything's alright. You'll see," his voice trailed off to an anguished whisper. And then he was gone as suddenly as he'd appeared.

Kikyou was shaking, because she was somehow very, very sure that everything was _not _all right.

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Sango sighed. Kagome had been back for well over a week, and something was just not right. This morning she'd gotten up and gone back through the well, and she was glad that her friend had gone. Something had happened to her. Naraku had done something, she just knew it. Because Kagome, beautiful, pure-hearted, high-spirited Kagome was broken. It made Sango sick to see her the way she was now, and she felt helpless to do anything about it.

And Kagome just kept insisting she was fine while doing her best to avoid being around anyone, and flinching whenever anyone so much as brushed against her.

She was pulled from her unhappy thoughts by a commotion in the village. _Inuyasha! That bastard is back! _She took off at a run, heading for Kaede's. _He'll pay... the punk will pay for leaving Kagome defenseless! Because of him, she's broken!_

What met her eyes when she reached the hut, however, shocked her speechless. Inuyasha, looking like he'd been beaten half to death, eyes rimmed red and with his crests carved out high on his cheeks was acting completely insane. He was holding Miroku by his robes, snarling into his face and demanding to know where Kagome was. Suddenly she felt such a rage well up inside her... _How dare he act like he cares or like it's our fault! __He's__ the one that left her!_ Reaching to the wall behind her, she grabbed her Hiraikotsu and slammed it into his head.

"You fucking _bastard_!" As he spun around, eyes wide and shocked and suddenly clear again, she yelled at him. "How _dare_ you come in here demanding to know where Kagome is and acting like you give a damn! Where were _you _when Naraku took her?!" She snarled fiercely at the primal scream that welled up from deep in the hanyou's throat as he fell to his knees, pounding on the floor.

_Good! I hope you die of the guilt! _she thought furiously.

Miroku moved forward, having finally gotten back to his feet from the place he'd been dropped when Sango had hit Inuyasha. It was his turn to grab his friend and shake him. "Inuyasha, calm down! Kagome is at home on her side of the well. Calm down and we'll tell you what happened!"

"You can tell him, Miroku." Sango's voice was calm, completely cold and devoid of her usual dulcet tones. "I don't even want to look at him right now. Kagome might be alive, but you know as well as I do that she's been damaged in some way, and it's this bastard's fault. He swore to protect her," she sneered, "and yet, every time he hears anything about that dead woman he runs off and leaves her behind, alone and defenseless. Newsflash, you stupid bastard, Kikyou's _already _dead! Kagome isn't - _yet, _and _no_ thanks to you_!_ Tell me, who should be of more concern? The woman who's _already dead, _or the one who's still alive?! _Kikyou's_ death was never your fault, you fucking idiot, but _this? _This_ is _your fault, and I hope you choke on the guilt, because you deserve every bit of it!"

"I promised her, Sango! I know I promised Kagome, but I also promised Kikyou!" Inuyasha's voice was muffled and weak, as though it took all his strength to voice those words.

Sango looked at him with frigid contempt. "You promised Kagome first, you ass. And you broke it. Again. This time, she's paid a heavy price. Because whatever happened, and she won't tell us what he did to her, she's damaged now. She isn't _Kagome_ anymore, and I think I hate you for that. So just stay away from me, because at this point I really could kill you and not care at all." And she turned and walked out of the hut, taking her weapons and Kirara with her and leaving a shocked silence behind.

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"Tell me what happened, Miroku." Inuyasha was still crouched on the floor of the hut, face almost in his chest, ears laid back, the ultimate picture of dejection. He didn't look like he could take much more, honestly. It seemed as if he'd already been dragged backwards through hell.

"Inuyasha... maybe you should clean up an-"

"No! Just tell me, Miroku. I need to know," his voice sinking to a whisper, "I need to know what happened."

He sighed, shaking his head sadly. This wasn't going to end well. "Alright, Inuyasha. Six days after you left-" at that Inuyasha's head came up, a terrifying light in his eyes that shocked him completely. Not sure what that look was for, Miroku merely stared at his friend until the hanyou dropped his face again and choked out for him to continue. "Uh, well," his brow furrowed in confusion, "like I said, on the sixth day after you left Kagome sensed Naraku's aura, but before we could even react, she was gone." His eyes closed at the memory. "Inuyasha, I've never seen anything like that. One moment she was there and the next she was just... gone," he sighed, opening his eyes. He looked back at his friend and stopped as surprise ran through him.

Inuyasha was crying. And not just a few tears swimming in his eyes, but pouring down his face as if his heart had been ripped wide open. Eyes closed, he made not a sound, and that made it a hundred times worse. His silent weeping tore Miroku's false calm away as tears started from his eyes, too. Inuyasha opened his eyes and stared at the floor beneath his feet as though he had no strength left to even lift his head. "Finish. Finish telling me." His voice was choked with emotion.

Miroku nodded. What else could he do? "After she disappeared Sango panicked and it took me a while to calm her down, because there was just no trail to follow. Even Kirara couldn't find one." Unspoken were the words that Inuyasha himself, _if he had been there,_ could possibly have found it. They didn't need to be spoken, he could see that knowledge shimmering in Inuyasha's eyes. He continued his story. "We decided to come back here and hope that-" he looked away, "-you would be here. We didn't know what else to do," he said at the small sound of grief that came out.

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head, trying to clear it. "A week after she'd disappeared she showed up back here. She told us that she'd woken up the same day she'd been taken in front of the well, with a concussion and some other injuries and decided to go home to get them treated." At Inuyasha's look of disbelief, he nodded. "Yeah... I didn't like what I was hearing, either. Anyway, she told us that Naraku had thrown the usual stuff at her, about you only caring about Kikyou and a few rants about Kikyou herself, then had struck her when she didn't respond to the taunts." At Inuyasha's low growl, he grimaced. "That blow is her excuse for not 'remembering' what else happened. But you know as well as I do that Naraku didn't go to all the trouble of doing what he did just to throw a few insults at her and smack her around a little."

Inuyasha could barely breathe. Just pulling in air was almost more effort than he could bear, and it _hurt_. It hurt like nothing he could ever remember, this hurt not just physically but in every way there was that a person _could_ hurt. And he was frightened. Because Miroku was right. Naraku _wouldn't _have gone to all the trouble of kidnapping her just to insult her and hit her a few times.

There was something _much _worse going on, because the bastard had even gone to the lengths of luring him away... he'd wanted to make _sure _there was no way for anyone to be around that could have stopped him from taking Kagome. He could barely bring himself to consider what had been done to her. He tuned back in as Miroku started speaking again.

"So that's as much as we know." He looked at the hanyou with a tentative expression on his face. "Inuyasha... whatever he did, Sango's right, Kagome isn't Kagome anymore. I can't even describe it to you, you'll have to see it for yourself." He looked away again, unable to bear the heartbroken look on his friend's face. Sighing, he reached over and grasped his shoulder. "Maybe you should get cleaned up a little. I don't think Kagome should be exposed to anymore shocks right now, and you, my friend, are a mess. You'd probably scare her to death, the way you look right now."

Inuyasha nodded. "When will she be back?"

"Probably not 'til sometime around sunset. She said she'd be back today, and she never comes back to the hut until the sun goes down anymore. She always stays away from everyone... we watch her and keep out of sight as much as possible, but - she doesn't like being around anyone anymore, it seems," he finished sadly.

Inuyasha's shoulders slumped even more as those words hit him harder than he'd ever thought possible. Because that told him more than anything else just how bad it truly was. Kagome had always been a 'people person' as she called it, always loved meeting new people and enjoyed being around others. That she no longer did meant that something inside her, something fundamental to who and what she was, was now damaged and broken.

Sango was right. Kagome was broken. And it was all his fault. He _had _betrayed her, and even worse - whathad happened to her he didn't yet know, but he knew _when_ it had happened. Because he'd felt it at the time...

And he'd ignored it, pushing the feeling that something was wrong aside. So he could keep following Kikyou.

He would never, _could _never be forgiven for this. This... was completely, totally, and _forever _ beyond redemption.


	6. Unbound: Coming Apart at the Seams

**Chapter 5: Unbound: Coming Apart at the Seams**

Sango ran a hand over her face, wiping the tears away with a weary sigh. Looking down from her seat atop Kirara high above the landscape she nodded sadly to herself. _Almost home..._

After leaving Kaede's hut she had climbed on Kirara and the firecat had immediately headed this way, as if she had known exactly where her human needed to go. Not surprising, since Kirara was a neko youkai, meaning she spoke in thoughts, not words, and she read thoughts, not words. So Kirara had known exactly what her charge needed. Sometimes it was nice not to have to talk, yet still be understood.

As they descended towards the village she'd been born in she fell into memories, memories of a time now long past when this place had rang with the sounds of life, a time that she sometimes longed to return to with a desperation that frightened her. Because that time could never be again. The only way she could be with all those people again is if she died, too. A bitter laugh sounded. Did Kagome now wish to return to a past without Naraku, Inuyasha, hell, a time before she'd known any of them? Had she started sometimes wishing that she could let it all go and welcome death with open arms?

She had been fighting this battle for so long already. At first, the only thing keeping her alive after the destruction of her family and village was her need for vengeance, and then Kohaku when she'd found out he was still alive. Time had healed a lot of that and most of the time now she didn't wish for death. But Kagome had just started on that path, she had just been dealt the trauma, and she had such a long, weary road to follow. That thought almost broke her heart.

As she stepped off Kirara's back her eyes were pulled to the neat rows of graves that were all that remained of the people that had lived and died here. Wandering over to them, she sank down onto her knees, tears beginning to fall again at the thought of anyone like Kagome having to traverse the long, cold road to recovery.

The worst thought, though, the one that hurt the most, was the thought that Kagome might not even choose_ to _recover.

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I watched as _my _Kagome went home through the well today. It is laughable that none of the group that she has traveled with for so long have even noticed that they are being watched. After all, now that I have claimed her as mine, I must keep watch over her as a good mate should, shouldn't I? That thought makes me laugh... and laugh. Mates. Hmmppff. Mates belong to each _other, _but that isn't how this works. Kagome belongs to me, yes, but I do not belong to _her. _ That would suggest a submission on my part and I will never submit to another's will.

This is quite simply slavery in its purest form.

You see, the desire for her grows more in me everyday. Tainting her once was not enough, I want to spend eternity doing so. It started off as a way to destroy her purity, nothing more, but now I think I will still want her once her defilement is complete and any pure, innocent part of her has long since been drowned in darkness. In fact, as exciting as her innocence was, I think her_, _defiledand steeped in hatred will be even _more_ exciting.

So I watch and wait. Soon, once those poor fools begin traveling again, I will show myself to them.

I will savor the taste of the fear and hatred of my beloved once again.

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Kagome slipped over the edge of the well on the side facing away from the village so if someone came looking she'd remain hidden. And that's what she wanted, gods, that's all, just to be left alone. Solitude, what sweet fortune.

_Why am I waiting around here anyway? I can't face Inuyasha, I don't want him to see what I've become! I'm filthy now... and even if it's because he left me, I still can't see him again. _She laughed, and it wasn't a healthy laugh, it was a frightening laugh. _And why does it even matter if I'm tainted? It's not like he cared anyway, I'm his shard detector, so who cares if I'm used goods, I can still find shards just fine, right?! _

She laughed again, the sound becoming unbalanced as she became somewhat hysterical. _Face it, sister, you're worse than used goods, used goods would have been Kouga, or Hojo, or pretty much anyone... but Naraku? I'm so beyond used that it's not even possible to save anything... I bet I can't even be recycled, sorry Kikyou, we won't be reborn again and it's all my fault; I wasn't enough like you, dear priestess, not strong enough, not smart enough, hell, I wasn't good for anything but the shards..._

Her laughter trailed off into quiet sobs as she wrapped her arms around herself and just held on. _I feel like I'm gonna disappear if I don't hold on, but then again, why should I even bother? Don't I want to disappear?_

Her eyes closed in despair, exhaustion beginning to take a toll and she couldn't fight the horrible mix of thoughts and emotions swirling around in her tired mind any longer. She was beginning to crack, the unnatural, calm shell that she'd maintained for weeks was finally breaking. _Kami, Please stop, I don't want to remember! _she sobbed, finally completely out of control.

Those horrible sobs were what caught Miroku's attention as soon as he entered the clearing; rushing towards the well with a worried look he threw himself around the side – and immediately wished he hadn't. This young woman who had always been so strong, so determined, was a hysterical, sobbing mess. The moment that she caught sight of him, she started screaming.

And she wouldn't stop.

Terrifying, hysterical screams of pure fear, they just kept coming from her throat, and Miroku backed away, horrified at the reaction from her. He watched blankly as she scrambled away from him, throwing her arms up to cover her face and cowering against the well, sobbing for him not to look at her.

_Dear Gods... _that was the only thought that could even take shape in his mind. He snapped his head around as he heard shouts; help was coming from the village but it sounded like all men... and somehow, he thought that they would only make things worse.

Turning, he sprinted to the opening in the trees that led to the village, placing himself in the middle of the path, determined to keep everyone away until he could send someone for Kaede. Unfortunately, he couldn't block the treetops, and that's how Inuyasha got there.

"What the fuck, Miroku?! Where is she?!" The hanyou was panicking, her shrill screams were hurting his ears, and sending horror and panic through him in rush. He'd never, ever heard screams like that, not in his entire two hundred years of life. "Answer me, you damn monk! Can't you hear her, oh gods, can't you _hear_ her?!"

"Inuyasha, don't! Stay away from her, you'll only make it worse!" Miroku waved the village men off, instructing one to get Kaede and bring her as fast as possible before moving back to the well at a dead run.

Inuyasha wasn't about to let anything keep him from getting to her. He couldn't stand the sounds she was making and something inside him was breaking apart as he listened to her. Moving around the side of the well, he stopped dead, frozen with shock. _Nothing_ could have prepared him for what was happening right in front of him.

As soon as she'd caught sight of him, she'd tried to shrink herself into a tiny little ball and was _begging_ him not to hurt her anymore. Dazed, soul in turmoil and heart breaking, he dropped to his knees, and held out a tentative hand towards her. "Kagome... it's me! You _know_ I'd never hurt you, please stop crying, it's okay!"

As soon as he said that, she scooted back away from him, curling deeper into herself. "No! It's not okay! It'll never be okay ever again, so don't lie to me!" She was shaking so hard he could barely understand her.

Inuyasha's eyes widened and the hurt, the _anguish _that came with her words was clear for all to see. He looked up at Miroku, confusion evident in his gaze. "What the _hell_, monk? You didn't tell me that she was like _this_!"

Miroku motioned for Inuyasha to stand and follow him to the other side of the well. "She _wasn't_ like this before, Inuyasha! I've never in all my days seen anything like this!"

Inuyasha punched the top edge of the well, watching blankly as it caved in. "Fuck! What the hell did that fucker do to her, Miroku?!" He slumped over suddenly, like it just hurt too much to even stand anymore.

_Kagome..._

"What did he do to her?" It was an anguished whimper, and one that the man standing next to him couldn't answer.

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Kaede sighed wearily, shifting herself as she sat on the floor of her hut near the fire. When she'd arrived at the well, Kagome was too exhausted to scream anymore and only muffled sobs were coming from her. She wouldn't let anyone near her, though, and they'd had to wait until she'd passed out on her own to get her back here. She was still unconscious, and it had been hours.

Inuyasha was sitting near her. He refused to leave her side and he just sat and stared unwaveringly at her. It was becoming a tad unnerving, to tell the truth.

"Inuyasha."

"What, old hag?" His gaze remained fixed on Kagome.

Shaking her head, she shifted again. "Maybe ye should go outside and get some air for a little while."

At that, he looked up. "No! I'm not leaving her side again!"

"Isn't it a little late to worry about that, Inuyasha?" At his shocked look, she sighed again. "She is safe here, ye know that. There is no point in overdoing it now, the damage has already been done. Hovering over her when she is safe will not change anything that has already passed."

"Go ahead, say it old hag, I know you're all thinking it anyway! It's my fault that she's like this!" Inuyasha stared her down, daring her to deny it.

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha, I did not realize your name was Naraku." She leaned forward a little, moving closer to the fire before looking back up at him. She chuckled at his blank look. "Or maybe we were all mistaken and _ye_ are the one that hurt her. Is that what happened?"

He thrust himself to his feet and paced the length of the hut before banging his fist into the wall. "Fuck! Don't toy with me, Kaede! I'm in no mood for it. How can you play these stupid word games when Kagome's lying there broken like that?!"

"And what would ye have me do, Inuyasha? Lie to ye?" Her brow rose. "_Ye_ didn't cause the injury to her, foolish boy. There is no sense in placing blame when we don't even know _what _it is that happened."

"Stupid hag! I may not have done... whatever the fuck it is that he did, but the fact is _I_ left her behind, easy game for that bastard, so in the end it's my fault! And I don't need to know _what_ he did to know that!" He spun back around; dropping down he sat near her, lowering his head into his hands. "If I hadn't left her... gods, if I hadn't left her, she'd be okay now."

"Maybe, or maybe not." Kaede shrugged. "Did ye break your promise to always protect her?" Giving him no quarter, she stared at him, waiting for him to look up before saying point blank, "Yes, ye did. Nothing I or anyone else can say can change that. Butunless ye are a god, there's no guarantee that ye would have been able to prevent what happened even if ye had been there."

Closing her eye she rocked forward, closer to the fire. "There are never any guarantees, Inuyasha. Ye of all people should know this."

Inuyasha just stared at her.


	7. Decisions: Facing Reality

**Chapter 6: Decision: Facing Reality**

Kaede watched Kagome wake. It had been eight days since she'd been found at the well, hysterical. She hadn't left the hut except to use the bathroom in all that time, and she totally refused to see anyone _but_ the elderly priestess. Inuyasha was almost inconsolable, the thought that she didn't even want to see _him_ had shaken him to the bottom of his soul.

Most of the last eight days had been spent in silence. Kagome didn't seem to feel the need to talk anymore, in fact, she seemed almost grateful for the silence. When she did speak, her voice was soft and hesitant, so unlike her normal voice that the difference was profound. And her aura was completely different. Before it had burned and writhed around her, full of life and love, but now it was sad, full of pain and swirling with confused emotions and beginning to darken around the edges.

Kaede smiled calmly at her as she opened her eyes and yawned. "Well, child? And what are your plans for today? More of the same, is it?" as Kagome flinched, knowing what she was really asking. "Ye cannot hide forever, child, and it has been eight days now." She sighed at the fearful look the girl gave her. "Kagome, ye know ye must decide what ye will do, life won't leave ye behind; like a leaf floating in a stream ye will be carried off with the current, whether ye will it or no."

Kagome sat up slowly, pulling her legs up against her chest and resting her head on her knees. _I know she's right, but I don't think I have the strength to go on anymore. What do I do? The only thing that keeps stopping me from leaving is the fear that if I leave, someone else might end up going through this...and I can't stand that thought. It would be my fault if he hurt someone else, if I don't fight... and the fact of the matter is that if I leave and don't try to stop him, Kikyou might be his next victim, despite what he said. Could I really live with that? She's certainly suffered enough at his hands already, and much as it hurts me that Inuyasha loves her, it doesn't really matter anymore because even if he didn't, I'm damaged goods now, so I'd never have a future with him anyway._

_Maybe... _she closed her eyes as tears threatened, _maybe the only thing I can do for him now is keep Kikyou safe... maybe it's my destiny to go down with Naraku, and I can certainly think of worse ways to go... yes, if I'm going to die, then I'm damn well going to take that bastard with me._

As these thoughts ran through her mind, she could feel a little of her old fighting spirit kick in, the thought of giving into the horror and letting him get away with it becoming suddenly abhorrent to her. _This will probably be my swan song, but by the gods, if I go, I'm going to go down fighting. _

Opening her eyes, she lifted her head and looked at Kaede, meeting her eyes for the first time since she'd been attacked. Fear was written in her gaze, along with pain, darkness, and sorrow... but also determination, and a hint of her old strength. "I'm going to stay, Kaede. I have to. This has become my fight, just as much as it is any of the others." She smiled faintly. "All this time, I've kinda just been along for the ride, you know? All the others, Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha all had _reasons _to go after Naraku, and I... I was just traveling with them, fighting him for everyone _elses _sake. But now-" she looked away, swallowing heavily, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat, "-now, it's _my _fight as well. Now, I have as much reason to see him destroyed as anyone else, maybe even..." her voice trailed away for a moment, before she finished softly yet fiercely, clenching her fists until they were bloodless, "maybe even _more_."

Kaede had watched her as she sat lost in her thoughts, then listened through her declaration, and shaking her head she closed her eye, beginning to fear she knew what had been done to the girl. There were just too many signs, things she'd seen only in victims of a certain _type_ of attack, and her heart clenched at the suffering that this one small, valiant girl was going through now, what she still had to face, and what she had _already_ faced. It would be a long road to recovery.

But as she watched Kagome, cold shivered through her. Because the look in the girl's eyes spoke of death. It looked like Kagome wasn't thinking of recovering, of saving herself... but of taking vengeance and dying. And that was wrong, so wrong that Kaede knew she'd have to discuss this with one of the girl's friends. Not Inuyasha. He'd go completely insane if he was told of this. And Sango was too hotheaded and already blaming Inuyasha. It would have to be Miroku. He was a monk, used to counseling those in need and he had great wisdom for one so young. Yes, he would do. She would speak with him this day.

Still maintaining her air of calm she smiled at the girl. "So, then ye are staying? Be very sure, Kagome. Are ye strong enough for this? If ye are not, it would be best for ye to go home now and no shame to ye for it. Be very sure that ye can finish this before ye attempt to start."

Looking up at Kaede with surprise, then shock, she suddenly knew that Kaede _knew_ what had happened to her, and shame made her drop her eyes. "You know, don't you?" she whispered.

Kaede nodded. "Aye child... that kind of attack is something that priestesses see often. It is merely a fact of life... wrong as it is, it happens, and it is _not _your fault. Remember that, always."

Shaking, Kagome stared down at her feet, before forcing her gaze upward again. "Kaede... please, don't say anything to anyone, please! I don't think I could handle it if anyone knew!"

"And by anyone, ye really mean Inuyasha, do ye not?"

Kagome swallowed hard, then managed to speak around the lump in her throat. "I can barely stand the thought of seeing him, Kaede, and I know I could never stand for him to look at me, ever, if he knew," her voice a harsh whisper. "Of course, if he knew he'd probably never even _want_ to look at me again. It's so... _disgusting, _what I've become."

Kaede stared at her, surprise coloring her voice when she did speak. "Child, are ye _really _afraid that Inuyasha would look down on ye for what has happened?! _Surely _ye must know better than that! He would give his own life for ye; after all this time I thought for sure ye must realize this." Shaking her head at the girl's folly, she reached out to her, patting her on the arm.

"I know well that most women in this situation feel that way. But ye should know Inuyasha better than that by now. He would _never _be able to look at ye with the disdain ye seem to think he would feel were he to know."

"He can't know, Kaede. I can't bear the thought. Please, promise me you will not tell him!"

She sighed. "I will not tell him, child. But not for the reason ye ask. No, I will not tell him because I fear for _his _mind if he did know. I don't think he could withstand the knowledge of what ye have suffered, ye know how protective he is of ye."

A slightly bitter laugh forced its way out of the girl. "Only sometimes, Kaede. Only sometimes." She stood, walking over to her bag she rummaged through it, setting out her clothes for the day. "Ah, well, it doesn't matter now. As the saying goes, there's no use crying over spilt milk. Where is everyone?" She raised her chin with determination, setting her shoulders and raising haunted eyes to look firmly at Kaede. "It's time to face the music."

For just a moment, sorrow threatened to overwhelm the elderly priestess, and she had to fight the need to cry. _Oh, my poor Kagome... that ye have been dragged into this fight grieves me more than ye will ever know, child. Ye should never have been brought here, the only reason ye were is because my sister failed in her duty... and now ye are paying the price. I wish that I could take this burden from ye, child, but I cannot. I never thought to have anger at my own sister, but I do, and it pains me that it is so._

_Who could have foreseen the consequences of decisions made so long ago? This really should have ended with Kikyou's death. How many times has the __**re**__incarnation been forced back into the past to make up for the __previous__ incarnation's mistakes? _

_Then again, when did Kikyou ever do anything by halves?_

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Miroku sat on a hill overlooking the village. Eight days. It had been eight days, and things were still at a standstill. Kagome was refusing to see anyone, and even though Inuyasha had been away from her for longer lengths of time before, he wasn't doing well with _this _separation. He shook his head.

_How do I deal with this? Something has to be done... _He glanced to his side, watching Sango from the corner of his eye. She had finally returned from her village yesterday and had been extremely upset when he'd told her what was going on. They had been forced to take shelter with others in the village, since Kagome reacted so negatively to anyone except Kaede.

Looking forward again, he loosely clasped his hands together in front of him. "Well, Sango? Have you managed to work out some of your anger?"

Surprised, she looked over at him, before looking away again. "I don't know, Miroku, if I'll ever_ not _be angry with Inuyasha." She held up her hand as he made as if to speak. "I know that it isn't all his fault. But the fact remains that he _did _break his vow. And even if he couldn't have saved her this time, at least there would have been the _chance_ that he could have, _if he had been there._ But since he wasn't, she didn't even have that _chance. _Do you understand what I'm saying?" She shook her head, anger lining her face for a moment, before a heavy sigh turned the anger into sadness. "It's just... he's broken his promise to her somany times already - and this time..." she trailed off, shrugging. "Why should she have to suffer because he broke faith? Why, Miroku? Can you answer that?"

"No, Sango, I can't, anymore than you can. Each person must live their own life, and what happens to a person _in that life_ is a reflection of what that person needs to learn." At Sango's lost look, he sighed. "From what I understand, this school place that Kagome goes to on her side of the well is a place that all are required to attend, because it teaches those in her time how to survive. Life is like that, Sango. Life is school - you attend life so that you can learn. It is as simple as that. Each individual has different things they need to learn, and so each person's life is different."

"That doesn't help, Miroku, even if you're right. I still hate it."

He chuckled. "And that, my dear Sango, is the biggest truth in life. Most of us _don't _like the lessons that life hands us. That is why fate exists. It forces us to keep going, even when we'd rather not."

"Yeah... so anyway, have you spoken to the baka? I haven't seen him since I got back."

"You really don't want to see him, Sango. If you did, I don't think you could stay angry with him. I honestly think he's suffering more now than he ever has in his life."

They both noticed footsteps behind them at the same moment, and glancing back, were pleased to see Kaede coming towards them especially as she had a small smile on her face.

Sango jumped to her feet. "How is Kagome? Is she feeling okay?"

Kaede's smiled widened a bit at Sango's obvious eagerness. "Aye, child, she is getting better... a little at a time. She wants to see ye, if ye are willing."

Sango was down the hill before she had even finished speaking, leaving behind two people chuckling at her, pleased to see the smile that lit up her face at the invitation from Kagome.

Miroku looked up at the priestess after a moment. "And you, Kaede? What is it that you want to say?"

She glanced at the monk thoughtfully. _Yes... he has great wisdom indeed, for one so young... but then again, age means nothing, really, what matters is what lessons he has learned in life. And it is obvious he has learned many. _

"What I am about to tell ye can go no further, Miroku, I will have your promise before I speak."

He met her steady gaze with one of his own. "You have it."

She nodded. "Very well. I will hold ye to it. Remember that." Clasping her hands behind her back, she looked away for a moment, before locking gazes with him again. "I know what it was that was done to Kagome. She hasn't spoken of the details, in fact, she didn't actually tell me, but as a priestess I have seen this many times, and when I let her know that I knew she indirectly confirmed it and asked that I not speak of it to Inuyasha." At his troubled look, she nodded again, knowing that he had begun to figure it out himself. "Aye. Naraku raped her, Miroku." At his indrawn breath, she closed her eye. "There is no graceful way to say that, is there? Now do ye understand why ye must not speak of this?"

Miroku held his breath for a moment, before slowly letting it out in a deep, pained sigh. "Yes. I don't think Inuyasha could live with this knowledge." He shuddered, considering the likely outcome if his friend _did _find out. "That _bastard_... he aims to destroy them _both_ with this. And I'm afraid if Inuyasha found out, he might just succeed in that goal."

He and Kaede looked at each other in complete agreement. Inuyasha couldn't be told.

Unfortunately for them, Naraku would make sure that he found out.

One way or another.

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I am really beginning to enjoy all this _angst._ They are suffering, all of them. It is interesting how an attack on one causes harm to all_. _Have they not realized that it is better not to care for any but oneself? All this love that they claim only makes them weakand easy to destroy. If I had to put a name to this plan of mine it would be 'divide and conquer', because that's what I have done, and yet if they only cared for themselves, I would not have been able to do this. Love is a useless emotion, one that brings only weakness.

Fools. All of them. They think that I will let them protect Inuyasha from the knowledge of what has been done? The very thought makes me laugh, since that is one half of the idea _behind_ all of this. The destruction of Inuyasha. The very thought fills me with a fierce joy, a _need_, and I can barely wait for the day when I can face him with what his desertion of Kagome brought.

Those thoughts lead me to another, and I frown thoughtfully for a moment. How would Kikyou view this? Would it please her, the destruction of the woman who would be her rival? Or would she be angered at the defilement of a Miko, and one who is her own reincarnation? I hope that I get the chance to find out. It would be...pleasing to me, because, for all that I desire _Kagome_ now, I still have a fascination for the first incarnation and how she thinks. She has surprised me in the past, so I can never be sure how she will react, and that keeps things entertaining.

Yes. Of all the things that I have done, I like this one the best. Even if I fail in the end, it will have been worth it, because I will have left behind only tattered remnants of my once proud enemies.

Even if I lose, they will always remember me and curse my name. That is win enough for me.


	8. Atonement: Inuyasha's Vow

**Chapter 7: Atonement: Inuyasha's Vow**

Sango stopped outside Kaede's hut, suddenly nervous. Was it really okay? From what Miroku had told her she was glad that she hadn't been here when Kagome had lost it, and now she was afraid, wondering if Kagome would react that way again. But Kagome _had _asked to see her so... gathering her courage, she stuck out her hand and pulled back the matting on the door, before tentatively stepping into the hut.

Kagome looked up as she entered, and closing her eyes for just a second, she firmly gathered her courage and smiled. It was a small smile, yes, but a true one nonetheless, and Sango, seeing it almost burst into happy tears, barely managing to hold them back at the last moment.

"Hi, Sango," Kagome got out in a soft voice, one that wavered just a bit. "I'm glad to see you." She looked down at her hands, which were clasped tightly in her lap. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

Sango stepped forward, dropping to her knees in front of her, reaching out slowly and drawing her into a hug. "Oh, Kagome, don't _ever _apologize! None of this is your fault, you know that, right?" Pulling back, she looked at her friend, the tears finally falling, making their way past the bright smile that washed across her face. "I'm just glad that I can see you again! I really missed you, that's all!"

The signs of stress on Kagome's face smoothed out at her words, and her smile widened just a bit. "I know... I missed you, too. I just-" she looked away for a moment, then back to her friend, "-needed some time, I guess. I had too much going through my mind, and I couldn't handle that and still function around others, so I sorta went away inside my mind for a while. I didn't mean to ignore you or the others."

"I know, Kagome, I know." Sitting back on her heels, she looked at her for a moment. "How about we go sit outside for a little while? It's really a beautiful day, you know," she said encouragingly. "Please? For me?"

Kagome chuckled softly at her friend's pleading expression. "Okay." She looked around the hut wryly. "I suppose I really _do _need to get some fresh air...I've been sitting inside a little too long, I guess."

Sango jumped up, grinning, and held her hand out to Kagome, her happy expression only getting brighter as she took the proffered hand and stood, following her out of the hut.

As they stepped outside Kagome froze for a moment as she spied Miroku coming towards them, but remembering that she had to see him sometime, she squared her shoulders and stepped forward, managing to maintain her small smile. "Hi, Miroku." She blushed and dropped her head as memories of how she had reacted the last time she had seen him crossed her mind. "Uh, you know, I didn't mean to upset you the other day, well, with how I acted." She looked back up at him, finally noticing his smile. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I really wasn't afraid of you, it was just..." her voice faded away, unsure of how to get her point across.

Miroku's smile widened. "Please, Kagome, don't apologize! I was not offended, merely afraid for you and wanting to help. Put it in the past, and don't think of it again." He looked at her with every appearance of sincerity. "There is nothing to be sorry for." Bowing, and smiling urbanely, he asked, "Would you ladies care to walk with me?"

Sango rolled her eyes and Kagome actually let out a small giggle, at which Miroku smiled even wider. "Ah, my lady, it does my heart good to see you smile and hear your laugh... please feel free to laugh at me all you want, I will gladly play the fool," he said, gesturing extravagantly and grinning like said fool.

At that Kagome laughed outright, and even if it was a much more subdued thing than her usual effervescent laughter, all those that heard it felt a little lighter in their hearts. Taking Kagome's hand, Sango pulled her forward, leaving Miroku to play catch up, still with a ridiculous smile on his face.

Kaede nodded from her place atop the hill. This was what Kagome had needed. She needed to reconnect with her friends... with a sigh, she turned and headed into the forest. This part was going to be the most difficult, gods knew, dealing with Inuyasha always was. Kaede smiled, remembering scenes from fifty plus years past...

Yes, Inuyasha had always been difficult, but all the more interesting for that. After all, who appreciated anything that came too easily?

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Kaede walked under the trees, not heading in any certain direction, merely wandering aimlessly with the knowledge that Inuyasha would pick up her scent and find her much faster than she could ever hope to track him down. Since he knew that she had been caring for Kagome, as soon as he realized that she was here in the forest he would come, wanting to know how she was.

What she _wasn't _prepared for was the absolute desperation on his face as he landed in front of her. He looked as though he hadn't had a moment's peace since the day Kagome had that attack, and knowing him he probably hadn't. _Poor Inuyasha... what a tangled web my sister wove all those many years ago... _It was a measure of how much he was suffering that he didn't demand answers right away, he looked as though he thought he'd have to beg for them and as though he was absolutely willingto do so.

She sighed, shaking her head at him. "Do ye really think I would keep information about her state-of-mind from ye, Inuyasha? Please do not look at me like ye are a whipped cur, I have done nothing to warrant your mistrust."

He looked surprised at this. "What are you talking about, old woman?" Growling, he asked, "And what's with the 'whipped cur' comment? I ain't no dog, Kaede." Then the pained look settled over his face again. "As for you keeping things from me about Kagome... I think you would, if you thought it was for the best. And that's okay. If it was better that way for her sake, then I'd let it go."

She nodded. "I know. However, as much as this might surprise ye, I did not come here to play 'word games' with ye, as ye accused me of last time we spoke. I am simply here to say that Kagome has finally come out of my hut and is visiting with the others." She grabbed his sleeve before he could turn and run back towards the village.

"Listen to me, Inuyasha, before ye run off and cause more havoc. She is still fragile, and in some ways more afraid to see ye than the others." As the whipped look appeared on his face again, she frowned. "Not for the reason ye obviously believe, foolish dog. It is not that ye matter so little to her, it is that ye matter the_ most_. But there is a great confusion in her heart, ye must understand, and it will take her time to heal from what has happened to her, so ye must be patient and learn not to take offense so easily. Do ye understand?"

Inuyasha closed his eyes in pain. _I know what she's saying, but how much more can I take? I hate myself for this, and I would do anything to bring Kagome back... My Kagome, the way she used to be. But I can't, and now I know how it feels to truly be helpless. Damn it! _

He turned away from her for a moment, shoulders slumping with a mixture of grief and exhaustion. "Maybe..." he began hesitantly, "maybe I should just go. Would it be better, do you think, if I stayed away?" His voice was tight with pain, and Kaede knew it was the hardest question the young hanyou had ever had to ask.

"No. She does need ye, more than ye will ever know. But ye must be prepared. This is not over and there is much pain ahead." She stopped, waiting until he turned back and met her gaze before she spoke again. "Are ye strong enough, boy? I asked Kagome the same thing... if ye are _not _strong enough to support her through this, _all the way through this,_ then t'would indeed be best for ye to leave her with those that will stay the distance. At some point, Inuyasha, we may find out what happened to the girl. Ye _must not fail her this time_... no matter what ye learn, ye must deal with it and not run from itor her."

Inuyasha clenched his fists, anger at the old Miko making his jaw clench. That she would doubt him... and then he calmed because the truth was, why shouldn't she doubt him? He'd _already _failed, and now he would have to prove himself all over again. He noticed that she was still looking at him, and that her words had had a peculiar intensity to them.

He knew that she was asking for his vow... that no matter what he would not fail this time. Lifting his shoulders and setting his jaw, he nodded once, sharply. "I _swear_, Kaede. I will _die_ before I fail her again. No matter what happens, I _will _find a way to deal with it and stay with her." And then he turned and ran towards the village, determined, yet vulnerable and desperate to see her.

Kaede smiled to herself, shaking her head wryly as she winced with every step.

_I am definitely getting too old for this..._

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Inuyasha came to a halt as he reached the edges of the forest. He could see her walking with Sango and Miroku and his eyes closed as grief overran his heart... _she looks so fragile, like she's struggling just to function. What did he do to you, my beautiful Kagome? _

Taking a deep, calming breath and opening his eyes, he stayed out of sight and simply watched her for a few minutes, trying to steel his heart... and knowing that if she did reject him, it was no more than he deserved, but deserving or no he'd never be able to survive if he'd lost her because of his own stupidity.

In that moment, if anyone had been close enough, they would have seen haunted amber eyes, eyes that were completely open and with no barriers, probably for the first time in his entire life. Every emotion that was pouring through his heart and his soul was perfectly mirrored in his eyes as the sight of the raven-haired girl he'd had by his side for so long finally ripped away the last shield hiding his heart from the pain of life. Shivering, shaking, the young man felt the full gamut of the emotions he had avoided since the day his mother died all in that one moment, and he grimaced painfully, desperately trying to calm himself before going down to meet his purpose.

Because that's what she was, and he could no longer hide from that fact, not now that his heart had been opened.

She had _been_ his purpose since the day she'd brought his body back to life. And as if that hadn't been enough, she'd slowly brought his heart and soul back to life, too. Standing there, watching as she struggled to just _be_, he realized that his soul had been dead well before Kikyou's arrow had killed his body, and that _she_ had not been able to breath life into it. That was a task that only Kagome could ever have accomplished... and she had. He owed her everything. Simply everything. With that thought his heart calmed, and he was able to step forward out of the trees and face her.

He was finally ready to face his purpose in life.

Kagome.

One name, one woman, but _everything_ to him.

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Miroku looked up as he noticed Inuyasha's youki almost instantly, and nodding to the hanyou stepped back, pulling Sango with him. Kagome had stopped when the monk moved back, and turning her head, finally spotted him. She froze, and everyone could see how much his presence affected her.

Eyes wide, she looked over at Sango, pain and fear flickering in her gaze, desperately clinging to the safety of her friends' eyes for a few moments before closing her own. She concentrated on breathing in and then out for several seconds, trying to find her center, opening her eyes again as her heart stuttered, then steadied.

She looked at Miroku and sighed. At long last she lifted her gaze to look at Inuyasha again. It was almost the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Meeting his gaze, she almost choked at the open emotion contained in his eyes; totally captivated, she didn't even notice when the others left.

_I can see him..._

And then she remembered, and she ducked her head, shame filling her eyes.

_I have no right to look at him, I'm tainted, disgraced! I'm no longer worthy to love him. _With a wince, she shrugged her shoulders uncomfortably before looking off to the side, refusing to meet his eyes again.

"So... did you find Kikyou?" She smiled, but it was painfully obvious that it was a fake smile, and Inuyasha felt pain wash through him at the sight of it. "I hope she was alright..?"

"Keh. She's fine. She was chasing Kanna." Stepping forward he lifted a hand towards her, frowning when she flinched back. "Don't do that, wench. Don't hide from me, and don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, you should know that by now," he said, gruffly, obvious emotion making his voice rough.

She turned her face away, stepping back away from him and trying to maintain her distance. "I know you won't hurt me - just don't touch me, Inuyasha. I'm... you just... please, just don't touch me," at his gasp, she felt tears hit her cheeks and shook her head blindly, wanting him to understand that it wasn't because of him but because of her but not knowing how to make him. "No, Inuyasha... please, it's not, I didn't mean it that way! It's not _you_! It's me - I just don't want to taint you!"

Backing further away from him she inhaled sharply, refusing to give him the answer he so obviously wanted, desperately dashing the tears from her face. "Don't ask me, Inuyasha. I can't tell you what I mean, just take my word for it!"

Inuyasha shook his head, firmly stepping forward. "Listen to me, wench, and listen well! There is _nothing_on the face of this earththat could 'taint' you in my eyes, do you understand?! Nothing! And I will not stand by and let you think that." He cut her off as she went to speak. "I'm the one that fucked up, Kagome, and I can _never _forget that!" He choked as the sight of her torment flayed across his heart like a whip. "Whateverhappened it was my fault, if anyone's tainted here it's me, so don't fucking say that about yourself again!"

She shook her head, her expression suddenly fading, becoming blank. "And how was it your fault, Inuyasha?"

He stared at her in amazement. "You can fucking ask me that? I left you alone, wench, that's how! I broke my promise! How much more faultdo you want?!"

Kagome turned and began walking back towards Kaede's. Moving to walk beside her, he flinched when she let out a hollow chuckle. "Yes, well, we all have priorities, Inuyasha. You did what you felt you needed to. You don't owe me, after all, now do you? I'm responsible for myself."

At his indrawn breath, she shrugged unconcernedly. "Forget about it, Inuyasha. Kikyou is your concern, not me, so don't feel you need to stick around - if you think she's in danger then I want you to feel free to go to her."

She jumped in surprise at his low growl. "No. Don't say that, wench. I'm not leaving your side again, ever, and I don't _care_ who comes to call." She turned her head to look at him, startled at the vehemence behind his words. They had all the impact of a vow spoken before the gods, and the golden eyes had a fire and determination she'd never seen before.

"I mean it, Kagome. Not even death will negate this vow. If you die, then I'll follow you to whatever afterlife you end up in, and spend eternity protecting you there, too. So please don't think you'll ever get rid of me again, because you never will. Get used to it."

Shaking her head as if she was clearing her thoughts, she just smiled, an empty, mocking expression on her face. "I'm no longer worthy of such a vow, Inuyasha - if I ever was."

Inuyasha's heart clenched at her denial. _It doesn't matter what you think, wench. I meant it. I already refused to go to hell with Kikyou months ago, but I'll follow __you__ into the depths if I have to, and I've never meant anything more in my entire life._

And he followed behind her, refusing to let her get more than a few feet away from him. _You're afraid to let me touch you? Fine. For now I won't. But I'm not letting you out of my sight, and someday I hope you'll trust me to touch you again, because I'll wait, Kagome... forever, if necessary._


	9. Screams: Dreams in the Night

**Chapter 8: Dreams: Screams in the Night**

_The __**malice **__of the soldiers is contagious..._

_The human heart is weak, and this girl is no exception..._

_The __**malice**__ of the..._

_The human heart is weak, and this girl..._

_The __**malice**__..._

_The human heart is weak..._

_**Malice**__..._

Kagome sat up with a gasp, sweat running down her face and eyes wide and unseeing. She was still locked in the nightmare that she'd just come screaming out of, still seeing Naraku's infant as he had been on that day, still hearing the words that he'd spoken. Shaking, she came back to herself as she became aware that she'd woken everyone else and turned blank, horrified eyes on Sango, who was sitting in front of her gripping her arms and trying to talk her down. As she became aware of what Sango was saying, she turned her face to the far side of the fire and saw Miroku trying to calm Inuyasha, who was standing there with Tessaiga drawn and fully transformed, staring at her, desperate fear still in his gaze.

Shaking her head and putting her hands up to Sango, she gently pushed her back and crawled up onto her knees, where she bent herself almost double, trying to calm her racing heart and pull in much needed air. She knew she must have been screaming hard because her throat hurt and her sides were sore, and she felt sadness wash through her when she realized how badly she must have terrified the others. Finally, breathing almost calm, she sat back and looked up. Everyone was still staring at her.

"I'm sorry, you guys." Her voice was soft and hoarse, unbearably sad, and had guilty overtones. "I didn't mean to worry anyone or wake you all up from sleep like that. It was just..." a haunted look hit her eyes, "just a nightmare. I'll be alright."

Inuyasha, who'd refused to look away from her since the moment she'd started screaming, shook his head. "Don't apologize, Kagome, you didn't do anything wrong." His voice was steady, reassuring, and Kagome would never know how hard it was for him to maintain an illusion of calm when his soul was screaming with hatred for the one who'd done this to her, and all he wanted to do was destroy everything that could everpossibly harm her. A hint of desperation entered his voice, then. "What were you dreaming about, Kagome, that would make you scream like that?_ Please_... tell me?"

She'd looked over at him as he'd spoken to her, but looked away at that last part, not sure she wanted to say it out loud. As long as she kept it in dreams, that's all it was, and she could escape it by simply waking up, but if she spoke the words it made it real... and left nowhere for her to hide, nowhere to feel safe. And that's what she so badly needed - a place to feel safe.

Fingers fidgeting in her lap as she thought about it, she finally looked up and nodded. "It was the infant. I was remembering..." her voice weakened, getting faint for a moment, "something he said and the feeling," she shuddered, her face scrunching up in a frown, "of him sifting through my soul." Her eyes closed, totally ignoring the dead silence from the rest of the group, she continued in that same soft, flat voice.

"It was the worst kind of, I don't know... _violation_, a true," she hesitated for a long moment, "rape of the soul, of everything that I am." Slowly opening her eyes again she refused to meet anyone's gaze, instead staring away into space. When she spoke again, it sent shivers down everyone's spine it was so empty, devoid of any warmth or life.

"When he said that, you remember, Sango, you told me about it, that he said that about crushing my soul. What he said about that - he wasn't just saying it - he almost did. There aren't any words in any language that could ever describe it..." she trailed off into silence, still staring into the night blankly.

Inuyasha finally pushed Miroku aside and strode over to her, sheathing Tessaiga as he came, before kneeling down in front of her. "Kagome, stop. Forget about it, and tell me what you need to be comfortable again, maybe go back to sleep." He frowned, looking at the shadows under her eyes. "You obviously aren't getting enough, and you need to stay strong."

_Please, wench, please come back to me... I can't stand to see you this way! The deadness in your eyes hurts so much._

At that she laughed. It was a hollow sound, bringing visions of cold, empty spaces, of things frozen in an eternal winter. "Sleep? I don't want to sleep, Inuyasha... sleeping hurts. If I could figure out a way to do it, I'd _never_ sleep again." Still quietly laughing, she almost looked amused, in a hateful sort of way. "Because you see when you sleep... you dream."

Miroku sighed. "Kagome, the only way to never need sleep again is if you die. It doesn't work that way... you _need_ to sleep sometimes."

She looked up at that, meeting his gaze head on, and he shivered, because the look in her eyes - Kaede was right. It spoke of death. Her own. She planned to destroy Naraku and die in that fight.

"I don't think that would be so bad, Miroku." Again, she laughed when she heard everyone's indrawn breaths. "Seems a fair trade to me. I'd get plenty of sleep then, wouldn't I?" Her voice became vehement then. "_But I wouldn't ever have to dream again."_

Inuyasha drew back from her in horror, all her companions staring at her as if they'd never seen her before. And they hadn't, not really. Because the Kagome they'd known before no longer existed. That Kagome had been pure, happy, brought up in joy and always protected. _This _Kagome had been born into the world in blood and horror, malice and hatred, and with no one to protect her.

Like inside the Shikon no Tama itself, a tiny, seemingly insignificant dark taint was forming in the pure core of the Miko.

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"Miroku?"

The monk looked up from his spot on the hill, smiling a little when he saw who it was. Sango looked back, sad, scared, and grieving, and obviously needing comfort. As did the young fox kit curled on her shoulder.

_Poor Shippo... he doesn't even understand what's happened, and yet it's affecting him as much as anyone. _

The little kitsune had been sent to stay with Kaede's nephew when Kagome had had her attack that day by the well, and now he was having to be left behind as they, at Kagome's insistence, were leaving on another shard hunt this very afternoon. There was no way they could take him, he would never be able to handle the way Kagome was right now.

"Sango. Shippo, I'm glad to see you, I didn't want to leave without spending a little time with you." He patted his shoulder. "Would you come sit with me for a little while, my young friend?"

Shippo nodded and scampered down from Sango's shoulder, and right back up onto Miroku's. He sniffled. "I'm gonna miss you guys, Miroku. I don't understand why I can't come... and why's Kagome acting so weird?" He rubbed his eyes with his hands. "Maybe... maybe that isn't really Kagome, because she doesn't act like Kagome. She's even starting to smell different."

Sango looked at Miroku with alarm. "What do you mean 'smell different', Shippo?"

"Well, she doesn't smell like Kagome." At their mystified looks, he sighed. "Weak human noses." At the bland glares he got from the two, he coughed uncomfortably and continued. "Okay, like, Kagome always smells like sakura blossoms. Always. Even when she's dirty and wants a bath, there's always the scent of sakura on her. But now... her sakura smell is getting weaker, and instead it's like she's sick. This other smell is taking over. It's like sickness and graves." He shook his head and frowned sadly. "I miss her normal scent." He brightened suddenly for a moment. "You should just ask Inuyasha, he would know what I'm talking about. He always loved her scent too; sometimes, after he'd carried her on his back he'd go off by himself and take off his haori and sit in a tree and just hold it to his face and breath in the scent left behind."

Miroku and Sango looked at each other and grinned, enjoying the lightened moment. There had been none since Kagome had been taken. Trust that it would be Shippo spilling the beans after spying on the hanyou that would be the catalyst for it, too. If that wasn't a telling behavior on Inuyasha's part, they didn't know what was. And then both sobered abruptly, remembering exactly _why _they'd just learned that little tid-bit.

Miroku nodded at his companions. "I will speak to Inuyasha this evening when we make camp." He smile at Shippo. "You're very observant, Shippo, and I'm glad you told us about this. The more we know about what's happening to Kagome, the better chance we have to help her. You did well."

Shippo smiled happily. "You think so, Miroku?"

"Yes, Shippo, I do."

Sango reached over and patted his head fondly. "You know, Shippo, while we're gone you have to keep it together. You'll be responsible for protecting the village." She'd deliberately used his favorite phrase against him, the one he always recited when trouble was brewing and he had to buck up his courage. It worked.

"I know, Sango, and I promise I will take very good care of everyone."

Silence fell between the friends as they all became lost in their own thoughts, and yet were aware and glad that the others were there with them.

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Inuyasha watched Kagome as she walked in front of him. While she'd been otherwise occupied this morning working with Kaede, he'd sneaked off and gone down the well. He'd cornered her mother and explained that Kagome wasn't sleeping well, and her mother, amazingly not asking any questions, had handed him some packets of powders that could be dissolved in her drink that would help her sleep. After thanking her he'd come back through the well, making sure to keep the packets hidden from Kagome. _You're gonna sleep, wench, if I have to drug you up every night to do it. _

"… I can stop the pain, if I will it all away, if I will it all away_..."_

Tilting his ears sharply forward he caught the fading sounds of Kagome singing something, and his heart clenched because what he was hearing was dark, not like Kagome at all - the words were disturbing. It seemed to be about not sleeping, not feeling pain, a song about nightmares.

_Fuck! I hope these powders make her sleep without dreaming - she needs some relief from this, since Sango said that she's pretty much had nightmares every night since... __that__ day. If she doesn't get some sleep, decent sleep, I don't know what we'll do. _He gazed at her back, watching her hair sway with her movements.

_What walks through your nightmares, Kagome? And why won't you tell me? What could Naraku possibly have done that you would believe you're tainted - I don't think it's even possible to destroy your purity - I think your spirit will eventually fight back and regain itself. But I don't want to watch you shred yourself while you learn that, Kagome... it hurts me so much, knowing that you're hurt and that it's because I failed to protect you._

"… I'm frightened, by what I see, but somehow I know, there's much more to come_... "_

"Oi, Kagome... whatcha singin'?" Not that he really wanted to know, it was truly disturbing, especially as she wasn't really singing those words as much as _chanting _them, but maybe he could distract her. Besides, she needed to start talking again, not hold it all in anymore._ If I don't get her to start opening up soon, I could lose her - it's unnatural for her to be so self-contained._

She stiffened for a moment before glancing at him over her shoulder. "Just a song I learned a couple of weeks ago. Why?"

"Well, uh, it seems, a little, uh... well... _damn_ it wench, it just doesn't seem like _you_! It's all dark and dreary and freaky, and that ain't normal for you!" he hissed.

"That was the old Kagome, the stupid little girl that didn't know anything about reality, always believing all the good crap." She laughed bitterly. "Unfortunately, reality isn't like that, it resembles this 'dark, dreary, freaky' song much more." Sighing, she waved her hands at him. "Just let it go, Inuyasha. I know _all _of life isn't bad - but right now, this is how I feel. Let me work it out in my own way."

He reached towards her, pulling back slowly when she flinched, sadness etching his face. "Kagome... " he closed his eyes and dropped his hand, "we won't get far traveling like this, you know. Whether I carry you, or you sit on Kirara with Sango, sooner or later you'll have to let someone touch you." He opened his eyes again, golden orbs darkening with pain as he gazed at her. "I hope you'll choose me, Kagome - it hurts when you flinch away from me, like you're afraid I'll hurt you. I know I failed you, damn it, but I'd _never_ willingly attack you, you must know that!"

Kagome stared at him, for once shaken out of her own pain. She flinched when she realized how selfish she was being.

_I didn't realize how much this was affecting the others. S_he glanced behind at the two following along, noting their strained faces. _Gods... now I feel awful. I've been acting like a spoiled brat lately. It's not their fault, and I've been acting like I'm the only one that bastard has hurt. _

_Look at Sango, losing her whole village at his hand, and as for her brother, how many people can claim to have lost one person over and over? It would have been easier if he'd just died, but no - for her, its like he __keeps__ dying repeatedly. And yet she still goes on... I feel so ashamed. And Inuyasha... Naraku has probably hurt him more than anyone else, and yet he still cares, still tries to help me... and Miroku, the fear he lives with every day; what right do I have to whine about my troubles?_

Lowering her face, shamed and saddened, she stopped walking and spun around to face her friends, who had immediately halted when she did. Unable to look at them, she spoke, still with her head lowered. "I'm so sorry, you guys! I've been being selfish, only thinking of my own problems and not paying any attention to yours." She finally looked up pleadingly. "Please forgive me - and if I start to go away again - and I will, I know it, because this isn't over - but when I do, do whatever you have to do to yank me back, okay?"

Inuyasha's eyes widened in hope, hesitantly he reached his hand out to her again, palm open, and his heart surged with joy when she slowly held out her hand. She closed her eyes for a moment, swallowing hard and obviously gathering her courage, and finally held her hand up to his palm to palm. He immediately closed his fingers around hers. Everyone smiled at the sight, but for Inuyasha that one moment would forever live in his mind. Everything but her had faded from his consciousness, and he could only stare at her as he held her captive with just his hand.

_I'm here, my Kagome, I'm here and I'm never going away, never letting go of you. _

Tugging lightly on her hand he pulled her forward just a little, staring into her eyes with an intensity she'd never seen before, literally _willing _her to feel what he was feeling, to understand what he was thinking.

_Come to me, Kagome, be with me, never leave me... just as I will never leave you, ever again. From this day forward, we will never be apart, do you understand? Do you?_

"From this day forward, " she whispered, her eyes wide and mesmerized, and he knew in that moment that his Kagome was still there, buried deeply but still fighting to come back, and he would be _damned _if he'd give up on her.

"That's right, Kagome - from this day forward," he said fiercely. "No matter what you think has been done to you, it doesn't matter to me. We will _never_ be apart again."

Miroku and Sango just watched, awed, at the two that stood before them in the dying light of the day. They'd never seen such intensity from the hanyou - and that was saying something, because he was one of the most intense people either of them had ever known. They knew in that moment that nothing else but Kagome existed for him, they and the world around them had faded away as he concentrated on the hurting girl before him.

Their eyes turned to Kagome next to see her reaction. She looked like a woman caught by a snake youkai, almost hypnotized, and they knew she was just as completely unaware of anything except Inuyasha in that moment. It was unfortunate that the moment had to come to an end - because as it did they could see the agony she'd been living with for weeks now bleed back into her eyes as their hands finally parted. But miracle that it was there was a little bit of Kagome in her eyes again, not just the misery, and everyone felt their spirits rise at that small gain.

"Well, what do we do? Make camp now, or continue on for a while longer?"

Blinking, Kagome finally looked away from Inuyasha, frowning for a moment as she tried to clear the confusion in her mind. _Oh, Inuyasha, why couldn't you have offered me what was just in your eyes - before? _Her shoulders slumped slightly. _ How will I know whether you made that vow because you wanted to, or because you blame yourself? And how can I accept it anyway? You deserve better than someone used... _she came back to reality when Inuyasha spoke to her.

"Kagome? Do you want to keep going or stop? It's up to you."

"Let's keep going for a while. You guys don't need to baby me, I won't fall apart, I promise." She tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. "At least not right now, anyway. Can't promise about tomorrow, though." Turning, she started off in the direction they'd been traveling in earlier, leaving three stunned people and a neko youkai behind.

_Had she just... made a joke?_

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The woman in the clearing stopped; closing her eyes, she appeared to be concentrating on something in the distance. Turning one way and then the other with a slight frown on her flawless face, she finally stopped and opened her eyes. Nodding firmly she began moving forward once again, followed closely by her only companions. Glowing white and moving gracefully through the air, the shinidamachuu twined and twirled through the air before wrapping themselves around her comfortingly, and she smiled slightly.

_How ironic. The priestess, once taught to destroy all youkai, now keeps company with them and no others. How much I have learned since those long ago days when I was alive, when I could still feel the sun warming my flesh! _

A pulse of power ran through her and she frowned, noting with concern the darkness touching the aura. They were near and she could feel Kagome, which was not surprising since she carried part of the girl's soul. By the feel of her aura Naraku had done something beyond horrible to her, and she couldn't help the urgent worry that touched her.

She frowned.

If something had happened to Kagome Inuyasha would be off the deep end, overprotective, insane, and not allowing her out of his sight. Somehow, she'd have to convince him to let her talk to the girl. And that would be difficult, because he was always uneasy when the two met and he tried to keep them as far apart as possible. But now he'd have to get over it if he ever wanted Kagome to come back.

_What have you done, Naraku? _


	10. Watashi no namae wa Kagome desu!

**Chapter 9: Watashi no namae wa Kagome desu**

**(My name is Kagome)**

Ahh, yes. Kikyou. So, you think to help Kagome, do you? And what would you know of her, anyway? Has she not always been your rival? You have tried to kill her, and yet now you think to save her from me? Naive woman. Be grateful that it was Onigumo that desired you, and not I.

It is too bad, really. You are alive again in a way, and yet soon _he_ will not be. I will destroy him this time. Last time his destruction came at the hands of your betrayal. Because that's the truth of the matter, Kikyou. He didn't betray you, and he didn't kill you. But you _did _betray him, and you _did _seal him. He never raised a hand to you... not once, but you wasted no time in sealing him, not even giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Did you know, woman, that his last thoughts were of you, and how he couldn't quite believe what had happened? It should have been him hating you, not you hating him. You threw away your only chance at happiness because you couldn't bring yourself to trust in him. Not that I minded, of course, for it gave me the opening I needed.

But this is the thing that brings joy to my heart now. Because this time his destruction will come about because of the woman he _should _have protected... and didn't, for your sake. The knowledge of what she has suffered at my hands will finish him, because he will know that thistime, unlike the last, he _did _betray his promise. This time, it_ is _his fault.

I will make him see that, Kikyou, and then watch in pleasure as it kills him.

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Sango looked at Miroku, quietly motioning to him, knowing he would understand that she needed to speak to him. She smiled softly... since the time that he'd asked her to marry him, well, at least to live with him and bear his children - _lecherous monk -_ she thought fondly, he had behaved much more respectfully towards her. Not that he didn't occasionally still try to grope, and he enjoyed walking a little behind her so he could watch, but he _had _stopped groping other women and that was the important thing. But now wasn't about them; she wanted to talk about the other two people in their little family.

Miroku nodded and smiled at his beautiful fiance. He loved her so much, violent woman that she was, in fact it was her strength and her fighting spirit that attracted him. Kagome had said that women in her time were much more independent, but here things were different. Women were subservient, and in a way Miroku could see that he'd been almost destined to fall for Sango, _because _she was so different. Simply put, she stood out like a beacon of light in a dismal, gray world. And so when she beckoned he followed, even knowing her intent wasn't really for alone time - if she needed to talk, needed comfort, he would give her that and be content just to sit by her.

Glancing at Inuyasha, he waited for him to nod before walking away with Sango. They walked a short distance away before settling comfortably on a small knoll. He waited for Sango to speak, wondering what exactly was on her mind. He didn't have to wonder for long.

"I found something, Miroku, when I was going through Kagome's bag, getting the stuff for dinner." She noticed his raised brow and quickly waved her hands at him. "I wasn't snooping, monk, so don't even go there. You know that cd play-er thing she listens to music on? She always lets me listen to it when I'm cooking, so I took it and started listening." She shot him a disturbed look. "This time... the songs were _wrong_, Miroku. Nothing like Kagome at all, they were dark and frightening. It was like being inside a nightmare!"

Miroku frowned. This sounded like what Inuyasha had mentioned earlier, something about how it was dark, dreary, and freaky. "Did you bring the play-er with you? Maybe if I could listen for myself I might better understand."

She nodded and handed the contraption to him, helping him put on the ear-phones and turning it on for him. Listening, he understood what the others were afraid of, at least at first. He started listening in the middle of a song, one talking about mirrors and the soul being caught on the other side of them. That one, while disturbing, actually fit very well with the situation between Kagome, Kikyou, and Inuyasha. Two women, mirror images but different, not knowing if the man between them knew the difference. The next song, while still dark, actually gave him some hope. The person singing was asking to be saved, to be brought back to life. After finishing that song, he took the device and handed it back to Sango.

He looked down at his hands clasped around his staff, gathering his thoughts. "Sango, my love, what are you _most _afraid of?"

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, then looked away before speaking softly. "I guess... that I'm going to lose my sister. I love her, Miroku, more than I ever thought I'd love any person again," she turned back and smiled slightly at his wry look. "Besides you, lecher, besides you." Her eyes darkened sadly. "I've had to live with the fear that after we've defeated Naraku she'd be taken back to her home and I'd lose her that way but, gods, Miroku-" she shook her head tiredly, "-not like this. At least that way she'd go home whole and happy, safe, you know? Not like this."

"We all fear to lose people we love, because it hurts and no one likes pain. I understand how you feel; I am very fond of Kagome, too. And why not? She has been the binding force in our lives since we all came together." He shifted slightly, looking back over his shoulder towards camp for a moment, then continued. "At first it was our desire to find shards and gain vengeance on Naraku that brought us in - but it's _Kagome_ that's kept us here. To put it simply, Kagome is love." He smiled at her. "Do you remember Horai island and a little girl named Ai? I think that should have been Kagome's name, don't you? It would have suited her down to the ground." Reaching over with one hand he grabbed Sango's and linked their fingers, then looked at her. "I think... that you should just remember that about her, Sango, love. Think back to earlier. She was in a depression, upset and hiding away inside her mind and yet - what brought her out of it? Her caring for us, for what her upset was doing to those she loves."

Sango nodded. It was true... Kagome always wanted to put others before herself. She was love, incarnate. Was there a kami of love? If there was, then she was named Kagome.

Miroku smiled, knowing the thoughts that were running through her mind. "Be worried, Sango. Show that you are, because it lets Kagome know we care and that we need her. But do not become consumed by it, or by fear. I think... yes, I think that in the end, Kagome will be alright. Her love for all of us and for her family on the other side of the well, and especially for Inuyasha, will pull her through. I really, truly believe this. We just need to stand by her and help her in any way we can."

She looked him in the eye for a moment, before smiling a little in return. _Yes... I think he's right. Not that we don't have a long road ahead, but - I think love will save her. And I will give her as much love as I can. Hopefully, it will be like a rope for her to hang onto when everything seems to be falling apart. Don't worry, Kagome. You're not alone, and you never will be again. No matter what. _

"Thanks, Miroku."

He smiled and held her hand for a moment longer, before reluctantly rising to his feet and pulling her up with him before letting her go. "I still need to talk to Inuyasha, remember? Let's head back, love."

She nodded. "Okay."

Walking back into camp, he met Inuyasha's eyes and motioned with his head for the hanyou to follow him. He waited while the hanyou glanced at Kagome before stepping just outside the circle of firelight and then stopping. It was clear he wasn't getting any further away from the young woman staring silently into the fire.

Inuyasha glanced at Miroku after folding his hands inside his sleeves, and he rolled his shoulders and sighed. "Well, monk? What's the problem?"

Miroku studied the hanyou for a moment, before shrugging. "Shippou mentioned something earlier today before we left. He said that Kagome's scent is changing - would you know what he was talking about, Inuyasha?"

He was silent for a moment, not sure he wanted to speak about it. Her scent was one of the things that drew him to her and the fact that it was changing, and not for the better, was a sore spot with him. He looked away for a moment, before turning back and meeting the monk's gaze. "Yeah. I know what he's talking about. But why are _you_ worried about it? It's not like you even know what Shippou and I mean, you with your weak human noses-"

He interrupted the hanyou, not interested in listening to insults about 'weak humans'. "It doesn't matter if I can smell what you're talking about, Inuyasha. It's another thing that shows that something's wrong with the girl that we _all _love." Miroku was a little angered by the hanyou's manner, and his voice took on a sarcastic tinge. "I know, I know, _you _don't love her, you love Kikyou, we all know, Inuyasha, but the rest of us _do_ love her, and we want to know about these little things. Don't keep them from us."

Inuyasha's eyes widened for a moment before narrowing dangerously, and he pushed his way into Miroku's face with a dangerous growl. "Don't you _ever _presume to think you know how I feel about _anything, _monk." His voice going low and deadly, he stared at the man in front of him, fangs bared. "Kagome is my concern, not yours. You keep your attention where it belongs... on _your _woman, and _off _mine."

"_Your_ woman, Inuyasha? Really? And when did that happen?" he asked mockingly. "You don't want her, you've said it often enough."

Eyes beginning to bleed red, the hanyou grabbed the front of the monks robe and pulled him into his face, speaking with deadly intent. "Listen, Miroku, and listen well. Don't play stupid with me, despite what I've said in the past you all know how I feel for Kagome because you've teased me about it enough, and you know the only reason I spent all that time denying it was _because _of your damned teasing." He shook the monk slightly, getting angrier by the second. "You _also _know the debt I owe to Kikyou, and that it's made things difficult in my relationship with Kagome. So why are you throwing this shit in my face now?"

"Because you need to wake the hell up and get your priorities straight, Inuyasha, that's why... your time just ran out. You need to make your decision between the two." He shrugged his shoulders and straightened his robes as Inuyasha pushed him away and looked down at his feet. "You can no longer afford to run between the two of them, you know. I guess the bottom line is this; which one do you think needs you the most? If you decide it's Kikyou then go now and leave Kagome to us. Because she needs more than half-assed care from you, especially now, and if you can't give her your full attention then don't give her any, because that's what you've been doing, and as you can see it wasn't good enough - and she's suffering for it."

Inuyasha looked up at Miroku suspiciously. "How did this discussion end up here from where it started?"

Miroku gestured to the sky, and looking up, Inuyasha understood immediately. "Shit! What the hell is _she_ doing here? And why didn't I sense her?" _How could I have missed Kikyou's shinidamachuu? I'm losing it..._

"I told you.. your time just ran out, Inuyasha. That's what I meant. You have to decide now." Miroku turned on his heel and walked back to the fire.

_Yes... you have to decide now, because if you don't Kagome might not ever come back, and I don't know if we could ever forgive you for that, Inuyasha._

zZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

Kikyou paused, she could feel from the touch in her soul that Kagome was now aware of her presence. Frowning, she became even more uneasy when she noticed the girl's reaction_ to_ her presence. There was none. It was like she didn't care, and she knew that didn't bode well.

She had never spoken of it to Inuyasha, but she was well aware of his feelings for Kagome, and just as aware of Kagome's feelings for him. She had always envied the girl's ability to love so deeply and without the fear that she herself had felt so long ago. She knew perfectly well that Inuyasha came to her now out of a sense of responsibility because he had vowed protection and that even though he still cared for her, he was no longer in love with her.

And that was okay. Because the Kikyou that had loved him didn't really exist anymore. She had clung to him in the beginning of her rebirth because he was the only familiar thing left and she was frightened and alone. And because of hatred. None of those things applied anymore, and it was time to tell him that. She needed to free him from his vow to her, because, truth was she didn't need him any longer. She was finally free from all the ties to her old life and was happy about it, because for her it meant freedom to be whatever she wanted.

For the first time in her life, then death, then life.

But first - Kagome.

She pushed her way through the trees, coming out into the meadow cautiously she looked ahead to where she knew they had set up their camp, and sure enough she could see the light from the fire. She could also see Inuyasha, standing protectively in between herself and the place where Kagome sat. She chuckled.

_Honestly, Inuyasha, what do you think I'm going to do to her? Especially in front of everyone? Silly baka._

Moving forward at her normal calm pace so as not to seem threatening she walked towards them, stopping finally at the edge of the camp. She watched Inuyasha for a moment, then looked around, noting the positions of the other two hovering protectively near the girl, and finally looking at Kagome herself. As she met the girl's eyes she gasped. Her face, usually pale, went even more pallid at what she saw in her. Wrenching her gaze from Kagome's, she looked at Inuyasha and shook herself, fighting to maintain her normal stoicism.

"Inuyasha. I've come because I need to speak to Kagome - alone, please."

He looked at her incredulously. "Have you lost your mind, Kikyou? No way in _hell_ I'm leaving her with you! You've tried to kill her before! What would make you think I'd ever do something so stupid?"

Ignoring the surprised looks from his other companions, she kept her gaze on him. "What do you think I'm going to do to her, Inuyasha?"

"I don't know, Kikyou, but I'm not letti-" he broke off as Kagome pushed in front of him and walked towards the older Miko. "Kagome! What the hell do you think you're doing? Get the fuck back here!"

Completely ignoring him, Kagome studied Kikyou for a moment, then nodded curtly. Not looking back, she moved off into the meadow, leaving behind a flabbergasted group of people.

Kikyou watched her walk away for a moment, then turned to follow, calling back over her shoulder, "Do not worry, Inuyasha, we will stay in sight. I have no intention of harming her. Quite the contrary."

He watched them like a hawk as, true to her word, Kikyou stopped a short distance away, close enough to be seen even in the dark, but far enough to be unheard.

_If she makes even one move that I don't like..._

Kikyou watched Kagome for a moment, wondering what was running through the girl's mind. The strange thing was, every time they had met before, the younger Miko had always acted as though she were a bit intimidated by her - and yet now she didn't appear to be moved at all. It was as if _Kagome _was suddenly the elder, like she had, in just the few months since she had last been in her presence, aged by years.

_What could Naraku have done to her? _

It was hard to know for sure, since there were so many horrors at his command... who knew which he had used?

"Kagome."

Kagome turned and looked at her, studying the older woman as if seeing her for the first time. She tilted her head, the only expression evident on her face curiosity. Not fear, not sadness, just curiosity. "What do you want, Kikyou?" She smirked a little mockingly as the other woman hesitated for a moment, obviously taken aback at her manner. "You seem surprised that I'm curious as to why you're here... but yet, why wouldn't I be? It's not like you've ever sought me out before, well at least-" the smirk shifted to a mocking smile, "-not unless you were trying to kill me. So why? _Are_ you planning to kill me?" She sounded only mildly curious, not at all afraid, and Kikyou was becoming more worried by the second. This was _definitely_ not Kagome. Whatever Naraku had done, it was far more serious than _she'd _even thought.

Gazing at her sternly, she asked the same question she'd asked the girl once before. "Who are you? Are you... _me_?"

Rage flared in the brown eyes staring into hers almost instantly as she answered. "My name is Kagome! I am not _anyone else!"_


End file.
